Chicken Licken Strikes Again

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Well, we’re 2 for 2 at AlaraApothecary. We called the last election right despite the interesting opinion polls, and we called the result for Brexit right as well. AlaraApothecary– we’ve got a rose-scented finger on the national pulse. Obviously only a fool would alienate roughly half his/her potential clients by contributing to the craziness that has surrounded the referendum vote. Our mothers did not raise fools, no sirree. Did I mention that our products are made right here in Blighty………. 🙂

In the spirit of conciliation, we are showing not only snapshots of our favourite Twitter posts on the result, but also examples of some of the finest designs by our favourite European designers. Artistry knows no borders; talent will out. No one knows for sure what the future holds, we all just need to keep working away and meeting any challenges thrown up by the vote result. You may need a handy helmet just in case the sky falls though….Will we glad to see the back of the endless EU directives that make being an entrepeneur such a joy? Of course not, perish the thought. You might say we are being economical with the actualité; I couldn’t possibly comment. I leave you with my all-time fave concession speech by a politician- Dick Tuck in 1966 after losing his State Senate seat, “The people have spoken, the bastards.” Have a lovely weathermaggedon-free weekend. Pip pip.

(Photos: Peacock chair, Dror Bensherit; Cattelan Italia console table; Hot Kroon chandelier, Piet Boon; Mattia Bonetti cabinet)

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Well, did you evah?

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I am currently living in the ‘inbetween’ times; waiting for one thing to finish and another to begin. I’m not even remotely any good at patience– shades of a bird carooming around a cage, let me out, let me out. “In returning and rest shall you be saved, in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength”— waiting to exhale.

So, how to get through inbetween times? Polynomial equations. Truly, I cannot overstate the therapeutic properties of mathematics, particularly algebra and calculus. There is something about the order in maths that is a great pacifier. 1 + 1 always equals 2 ( except of course in theology where 1+1+1= 1; just thought I’d mess with your heads a bit…). In addition, I’m reading Kate Atkinson at the moment- she is an astonishingly pellucid writer. I actually find myself stopping mid-sentence to marvel at her talent. Extraordinary.

Anyway, I was thinking about progress and innovation, and it made me wonder about how elemental discoveries are made. Not scientific discoveries but the ones which seem to be as old as civilisation. Who came up with the idea of a plough, or an aqueduct? Who was brave/stupid/crazy enough to try the first caper, the first chilli, the first parachute (first patent by Slovakian Stefan Banic. He tested it by jumping off a tower block in DC. Excellent.  🙂 ) Who was the first to discover that slapping a piece of willow bark on your forehead would cure your headache, who built the first compacted mud houses, who discovered how to make brass and bronze and wrought iron? Human beings are amazing. I recently heard that Sicilian fishermen will mutter a few phrases in Greek when they start fishing in a bid to confuse the fish. They hope to lull the fish into believing they were the much less competent Greek fishermen (according to the unbiased Italians!), thereby ensuring a bumper catch. I am certain the Greeks have their own riposte to this terrible slur 🙂 I’m not advocating Leave or Remain but I would mention that there are very few jokes in Esperanto…..See you on the other side.

(Photos: Ife head bronzes: Kano, Nigeria: Ploughing with horses: Roman aqueduct at Segovia; Capers; Willow bark)

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In my heart, it’s spring

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Apologies to my dear readers for dropping out of sight for a while. I have been busy juggling invoices and chasing up payments. Apparently, the concept of paying people after they have supplied you with goods or services is one that is alien to some companies, as any SME owner can attest. I actually stopped chasing up one particular payment because I was feeling myself losing neurones by the minute; if a discussion begins to make you wonder if you are insane, take my advice- walk away. Don’t even get me started on the Kafkaesque discussion with my bank- that was another level of crazy altogether. The problem with all this is that of course it trickles down the chain so you then have to make your suppliers wait for payment. And on and on, down a Dantesque spiral into hell.

However, I was immensely cheered up as the whole farrago of nonsense reminded me of a favourite Sir Walter Alexander Raleigh (no, not that Walter Raleigh: The Glaswegian academic) poem:

I wish I loved the Human Race;
I wish I loved its silly face;
I wish I liked the way it walks;
I wish I liked the way it talks;
And when I’m introduced to one,
I wish I thought “What Jolly Fun!”

That’s a picture of good ole Walter up there, full of the joys of spring. Even that picture alone is enough to make me smile. He’s said to have composed the poem after a garden party. I know just how he felt – who hasn’t visited that particular circle of hell? (There goes my social life….) Even better still, my awesome niece Arix brought me back some Goldfish crackers (Cheddar flavour!) and peach liquorice from sunny Texas. What a gal- a good deed in a dark world, fo’ reals. In that spirit, I have included pictures of some eye-achingly beautiful interiors and things which ought to brighten your day. That Lindsey Adelman pendant is boss- am I right or am I right? Meanwhile, Illegitimi non carborundum, as the Romans most emphatically did not say. Have a terrific day.

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Hero of the week

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My hero of the week is 7-year old Yamato Tanooka who survived for 6 days on his own in a bear-infested forest after his parents left him by the roadside to teach him not to throw rocks at people and cars. I was initially struck by how insane the whole premise was until I saw a photo of the boy this morning. The irrepressible smile, the sparking eyes and the peace sign- I think Yamato will be just fine, at least I hope so.

I don’t know what crime a child could possibly commit where the just punishment would be abandoning him next to a forest. The mind boggles; people truly amaze me. An adult who is left devastated because their partner/husband/whatever seems to be losing interest in them will then go on to treat a small child in the most appalling manner and expect that child to cope with it and recover. But then, that is the modus operandum of the sadist everywhere– I will shut you in this closet, stab you with this knife, beat you with this belt, burn you with this iron, because you did not do your homework/ make your bed/ finish your vegetables etc etc. This is for your own good, it’s going to hurt me more than it hurts you, ad nauseaum. There is never any correlation between the magnitude of the punishment and the severity of the offence- they just get off on causing pain and sorrow.

It is possible that his parents do love him and just made a massive mistake. I don’t know them, I can’t judge. For all those who are living with stone-cold sadists and psychos, make an exit strategy and get away from them as soon as you can. They don’t change, that streak of evil runs through them like writing through a stick of rock. On a lighter but not dissimilar note, another story which caught my eye is about the Jawbone-style bracelet you can now buy which is linked to your bank account. Every time you become overdrawn, it gives you an electric shock. Presumably, it will be like a chastity belt you cannot remove or else how would you be compelled to keep it on? The kicker? It costs £120. If you weren’t overdrawn before……. Some people use their brains to discover immunotherapy, some use it to make a product worthy of the concentration camp. O brave new world, that has such people in it, to completely misapply a quote. Wishing you all a wonderful, love-filled weekend.

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