For All The Saints

I haven’t posted for a while in light of the terrible events we have been living through lately. It just seemed indecent to indulge in my usual frivolous musings about ridiculously expensive/precious items in the face of other people’s monumental losses. But then, in the midst of life, we are in death. What do we do when there is so much trouble everywhere? The best I can come up with is to do my best not to make the world a worse place than it is. It also occurs to me that whilst we are stricken by the recent string of disasters in the UK, there are unimaginably horrific events happening every day in Syria, Yemen, Libya, Iraq and Afghanistan. We can put those troubles at the back of our minds because they do not impinge on our daily lives. What then happens when trouble comes calling on us? It brings to mind the old adage that you stand up when they come for others because one day, when they have worked their way through everyone else, they will come for you. Who will then be left to stand up for you? The ‘they’ is not necessarily a person or a group or a system, of course. I guess it just makes me focus on the fact that I am here for a limited time; I’ve got to get my stuff done before I check out of Dodge or else, why waste all that oxygen?

So, back to my usual – do all the good you can for all the people you can in all the ways you can whenever you can. I will not pass this way again. Now all I have to do is to keep remembering that. I leave you with a riddle by the politician George Canning to keep you going:

A Riddle

There is a word of plural number
A foe to peace and tranquil slumber.
Now any word you chance to take
By adding “S”, you plural make;
But if you add an “s” to this,
How strange the metamorphosis!
Plural is plural then no more
And sweet, what bitter was before.

What is the word?

On a cheerier note, I particularly like this poem by Harry Hearson whose ingenuity is entirely based on the crazy English habit of not pronouncing words phonetically:

Nomenclaturik

     There was a young fellow named Cholmondeley

     Whose bride was so mellow and colmondeley

     That the best man, Colquhoun

     An inane young bolqufoun

     Could only stand still and stare dolmondeley.

 

     The bridegroom’s first cousin young Belvoir

     Whose dad was a Lancashire welvoir,

     Arrived with George Bohun

     At just about nohun

     When excitement was mounting to felvoir.

 

     The vicar – his surname was Beauchamp-

     Of marriage endeavoured to teauchamp

     While the bridesmaid Miss Marjoribanks

     Played one or two harjoripranks

     But the shoe that she threw failed to reauchamp.

The answer to the riddle is ‘Care’. Wishing you all a carefree and wonderful week.

 

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Top Ranking

(Presidential Voice) My fellow Brits,

May I take this opportunity to congratulate you on giving the politicians the kicking they so richly deserve once again. I knew that you would not let me down and my faith in you has been amply rewarded. It is most gratifying to see how many people refused to drink the Kool-Aid that was being pushed down our throats, to see how many people refused to buy into the disgraceful fear-mongering and vicious character assassination we were offered in lieu of actual policies and manifestos. A plague on all their houses seems to have been the collective response. If I may step out of presidential character for a minute: Nick Clegg, Nicola Sturgeon, Amber Rudd, hahahahahaha. The latter escaped by the skin of her teeth but I’m sure you’ll all be waiting for her in the long grass…….Sorry about that, back to the presidential voice 🙂

When Jeremy Corbyn was first elected as Labour leader, I told people he would eventually do for the Tories and they all scoffed. Well, they’re not scoffing now. If there had been any other Labour leader in place a few days ago, the Tories would have won by a landslide. Running the nastiest, most personal campaign I have ever seen didn’t do them any favours but I can understand why they did it; they just can’t understand how the electorate thinks or what they see in good old, unfashionable Jeremy. Looking at the insane Tory manifesto, a more suspicious person than myself would think they were deliberately trying to lose so Brexit would be derailed. The other possibility is that they were high when they came up with it. Obviously, that cannot be true at all.

So, to all the people who think they can subjugate the entire human race by applying a mixture of fear and appeals to self-interest, you are on a hiding to nothing. We will never willingly cede our civil rights and humanity in exchange for your patently spurious promises to protect us. No one believes you but we have learnt to keep quiet and save the kicking for when you are within reach. Eventually, the one-world martial state the politicians are trying for will come to pass but heads up: you won’t get it without a fight. Never mind getting your hands dirty, you will have to wade in the bloodbath you’ll need to contain 7 million souls and ultimately that plan is doomed. Why? Because greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world. The knavish tricks will always be confounded. In addition, even a small child can see that curbing our internet access, spying on us constantly and restricting our freedoms will never keep us safe, so enough already. Besides, if one human being built it, another one can find a way around it and you can’t put the entire human race in internment camps.

So today I say to you all: Go to your constituencies and have a terrific, safe weekend.

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I Know What I Like

I spent much of last weekend haunting art galleries and generally imbibing culture with a capital K. The first thing I noticed again was how easy it is to fully immerse yourself in art once you are in the zone. I went to both Tate Britain and the National Gallery over the bank holiday weekend and they were both rammed. Yet after a while the other patrons became background noise and I was barely aware that there were other people present. I’ve experienced it with both art and music and it’s amazing when you finally leave the gallery/hall and real life floods back in. Only then do you realise you’ve been transported elsewhere for a while.

The second thing I noticed was that I’ve been ignoring my muse. Yes, I do too have a muse 🙂 Swanky, right? You don’t believe me? Pah, you’re just jealous because you don’t have one 🙂  I have a gazillion paintings rattling around in my head and I am too lazy to put them on canvas. It’s like being permanently preggers. It also amazes me how individual an artist’s style is. No matter what my subject is, it always looks like one of my paintings. It’s like magic.

So, I played that game where I get to select which paintings I’d like from the collections. No. 1 is the astonishing ‘Madonna in Prayer’ by my boy Sassoferrato. It’s ridiculously beautiful- that blue, that red, the showpiece use of chiaroscuro. Totes amaze. The Zurbaran ‘Agnus Dei’ was not on display, boo! hiss!! but obvs I’d have to have that. Next up is my all-time favourite Van Gogh, ‘Two Crabs’. I love this painting like a fat kid loves cake, I really do. There were loads of perfectly indifferent Turners at the Tate, yawn, but I’d have to pinch his ‘Shipwreck’ for certain. Last but not the least, two new faves, ‘The Idle Servant’ by Nicolaes Maes because it makes me smile, and Bronzino’s astonishingly luminous ‘Madonna and Child with Saints’.

I’m afraid all of this is very DWM as both galleries are not exactly overflowing with art from other countries; they are British galleries. So, for your  delectation, some of my fave artworks by Nigerian artists. Oresegun Olumide’s photo-realistic paintings are a wonderful new discovery and yes, I know El Anatsui is Ghanaian but all his work has been done in Nigeria so we are keeping him, thank you very much 🙂 I really like Chris Ofili’s ‘No Woman, No Cry’ which surprises me as glitter and elephant dung are not high on my list of artistic materials. If you’re having a bad time, get thee to a gallery. Art soothes the savage beast as much as music does. AlaraApothecary: your mental health is our priority. Have a fab and inspired week.

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