Is There A Doctor In The House?

Second week of the year and the festive season already seems like a distant memory. Never fear, we at AlaraApothecary are here to cheer. (We’re poets and we do know it!). Anyhoo, Moron of the Year is becoming a hotly-contested title already. No.1 favourite thus far is the genius at NHS England who informed the general public that we should not visit A&E unless we are suffering from a ‘life-threatening illness’. Hmmm. Yes, I’ll just diagnose myself to see if I have a life-threatening illness using that handy medical degree I cut out from the back of my cereal box. Nitwit. Should you be foolish enough to follow his advice, once you as a non-medical Joe/Joanna Bloggs have diagnosed that life-threatening emergency, cut out the middle man; don’t go to A&E, call the funeral director. You’re probably a goner.

Favourite story of the week is the landlord who sent out the new criteria for renting out his properties to his managers – ‘no single fathers, no zero-contract hours workers, no benefits recipients and no plumbers’. Yes, he’s a fine model of a human being, but no plumbers? Turns out he has over 120 properties and feels that plumbers constantly rip him off 🙂 A business model based on irrational fears, I like it. Listen mate, it’s the electricians you want to watch out for. All plumbers are scholars and gentlemen. (Please don’t write in….)

Procrastinator of the week who lovingly follows my motto of ‘why put off till tomorrow what you can put off till the day after’ is Twitter user Simon Lennon who says ‘I’d love to say “New Year, new me” but I’m only two stamps away from a free meal with my KFC loyalty card. Silly to ruin that now….’ Simon, Simon, now if it’d been Nando’s….. Still the Colonel is not to be taken lightly, I can sympathize. If you do suffer from a life-threatening emergency, say atherosclerosis brought on by too many kale-free food choices, I will be uploading a handy diagram showing you how to insert your own coronary stent in 5 easy steps. Have a good one.

(Photos: Rockstar chandelier, Corbett lighting; Klimt metal cabinet, Ingrid Donat; Feather & Leaves ceramic, Hitomi Hisono( genius!!!!); Planter table, Emily Wettstein)

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