Woke up this morning to find that I’d suddenly moved to the Arctic circle. What’s that about? Just because winter is approaching, there’s no need for the weather to go all polar bear-friendly like that. Not impressed. So, what have I been up to? Well, I’ve been reading Tade Thompson’s astonishingly good ‘Rosewater’. It’s a sci-fi novel based in a futuristic Nigeria; I wish I’d written it, it’s that good. In other news, there’s the Brexit debacle, and the unedifying sight of our totally inept PM making a pig’s ear of it all. She is obviously a Remainer; nothing wrong with that but it takes a special talent to infuriate both Leavers and Remainers. Michel Barnier’s big smile told all that needed telling. If I started on the useless Brexit negotiations, I’d probably end up carted off for goodness knows how many thought crimes, so let’s not go there.

Best stories of the week- the first is actually an old one that I’d missed in May. I was reading an old newspaper that I’d partly read (yes, I am such a news junkie, I will gladly read a 6-month old newspaper), and found a request from Facebook that people should send in any pictures that may contain material they could be blackmailed over. They have a super-duper new algorithm that will analyse said pics and store the markers. Then if anyone else considers using the pics as say revenge porn, Facebook would recognise it and make sure it’s not published. Send in your naked pics to Facebook; what could go wrong? 🙂 🙂 After all, they have five highly-trained employees who would be the only ones to view the images, and they will delete them once they’re analysed, scouts honour. I nearly choked on my cereal. Breaking news: turkeys vote for Christmas. I’m sure the staff at Facebook are people of the highest integrity but, nah, don’t think so.

In more recent news, the Connaught has opened a new annexe where you can stay in their mews house for £12,000 a night. This is an ideal gift for my series on bonkers Christmas presents. In that same spirit, other ludicrously expensive gifts include the Games bag for her above (William & Son; £4905. I love that extra fiver. That must be the profit right there.) and my personal favourite, the Hairy Viking cufflinks from Harrods (Deakin & Francis; £1060). Spoiler alert- you can get them from Connard & Son jewellers for £465. AlaraApothecary: we save you money. Don’t say I don’t look after your spare change. It reminds me of the excellent story I read about the gazillionaire owner of IKEA Ingvar Kamprad, who certainly didn’t believe in flashing the cash. After his longsuffering wife finally strongarmed him into taking her on a one and only trip to the Caribbean, he was so appalled at the prices in the minibar that he refused to take any drinks from it. She knew that they wouldn’t be going back when she found him defrosting the ice-cubes with a hairdryer so he wouldn’t have to buy a bottle of water. Ingvar, I salute you. There’s a sure sign of a man who’s worked for every penny he has 🙂 Have an ostentatiously extravagant week, one and all. Toodle pip.