Lately it’s occured to me that I have been approaching the whole Covid issue the wrong way. It’s been really odd because I’ve been insisting all along that the new normal is temporary, and that the narrative will not hold. As a Christian, I’ve been praying in my usually spectacularly ineffectual way for this nonsense to be over. After all even the government’s figures have been so low for hospitalisations and deaths for months now. So, why do we still have restrictions? And, if as I believe that our salvation from this living hell is coming from God, and I along with so many other Christians are praying, why are things going from bad to worse?
The final straw was this week’s announcement that lockdown will be extended for another 4 weeks. Why? They are still talking as though it’s not finalised, leaking stuff to the press to get everyone ready. But Covid marshalls have been contracted till 2022, with a possible extension to 2023. If they can fly across the world and not quarantine, and gladhand each other without a care in the world except when they’re indulging in theatre and standing 2m apart from one another, wearing masks for photo ops, why are the elderly not able to see their families without thinking they’ll all drop dead? Why are livelihoods being destroyed and young people left feeling there is no hope or future for them?
The road to clarity? I have a desperately ill cousin whom I’ve been praying for. It occured to me that because I believe she will be healed, I pray for her in a different, more personal way. It’s one person, it just seems easier. And when I pray for her, I ask for what I want, already beleieving it’s done because it’s God’s will. Yet when I pray about the darkness that covers the Earth, because it’s so intimidating, I change the prayer context to asking if you would, could you please. Even though I believe it’s God’s will to free us all from oppression. So, enough already. Let God arise and let his enemies be scattered, and let those who hate Him flee before him.
Because our entirely useless leaders seem to have so much power and no one can apparently stand against them as they destroy people’s families, businesses and mental health, they get away with ordeing us around and making any number of contradictory, dishonest decisions rather than face up to the harm they’ve done. A quiescent, unquestioning electorate is so much easier to govern, even enslave. But who are they to defy the armies of the living God? Nothing but chaff before the wind. It doesn’t matter if it’s incompetence or if there’s an agenda, the end result is still the same – the human race cowed, demoralised and enslaved. So, here is one person saying enough already, not in my power, but in God’s power. They didn’t create us, they don’t get to destroy us or determine our destinies. It is absolutely God’s will that this wickedness should end, and that end comes today. I am thrilled to say that it’s not in my power and it’s already done so i don’t have to worry about how it’s accomplished. I’m just get the easy part, the privilege of saying it out loud along with the other people who can see it. It is totally liberating to not have to do anything, just step out in faith. Enough.
I’ve been told off for posting about any random stuff that I find interesting, rather than bigging up AlaraApothecary. Sorry, award-winning AlaraApothecary as I obnoxiously refer to it these days 🙂 Seriously, the products are fabulous, buy something immediately. You know it makes sense.
A good friend of mine has decided that, forget The Matrix breaking down, we have now made a complete shift to a parallel universe he calls ClownWorld. And who can argue with him? I haven’t posted for a while because what would be the point? Life is a satire that my imagination can hardly keep up with. You can’t write a parody of a parody. My favourite items this week? They are linked and brought to you by the comedians at Twitter. Item no.1, Twitter fact-checkers suspended Luigi Warren’s account until he deleted a tweet where he says that spike protein shedding is possible after you receive an mRNA vaccine, though he doesn’t believe that it would be a problem. Not true, Misinformation, delete your tweet! One of the two pioneers of the technology for mRNA vaccines was…. you guessed it, Luigi Warren 🙂 I guess bothering to check who the tweeter was and what his qualifications are for the statement he was making, was just one check too many. His paper with Derek Rossi, co-founder of Moderna (yes, that Moderna)? – Highly efficient reprogramming to pluripotency and directed differentiation of human cells with synthetic modified mRNA (2010).
Meanwhile on the other side of town, item no.2. The Nigerian government blocked Twitter in Nigeria because of a rude remark about the President. Censorship! You can’t just block someone just because you disagree with their statement……….oh! I told you, ClownWorld.
I don’t intend to talk about the vaccine per se. My view is, the information is out there, you pays your money… My only concern is the idea that it’s OK to inject products that are still in clinical trials into children. What ninth circle of hell is this? Even the government say that children are pretty much unaffected by SAR-Cov2. Why aren’t we following the science? It is reprehensible to give them an injection with unknown longterm effects for a disease they are not in danger from. I truly don’t know what to do except pray for the children. This is when the clown changes from the funny guy at the circus to the clown from It.
Just as unamusing is being told ‘Freedom day’ might be postponed. Colour me astonished, not. Please read the previous post. I only wish I was proved wrong. Note to idiot government – We are already free, it’s only you loons who think the planet should be a giant prison. Muppets. I fully expect to wake up one day and find ‘variants’ are now by postcode. The SO2 8AT variant is on the rampage!!! Run for your lives!!!! I will repeat what I said a full year ago, the Covid gameshow-from-hell is a busted flush. They can huff and puff, but they won’t blow this house down. So people, be of good cheer. Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world. It may not look or feel like it, but it is solid Truth. Although, your friendly neighbourhood fact-checker may not necessarily be able to see it. I leave you with our traditional cheesy joke:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
Now, get online and buy an AlaraApothecary product. Have a fabulous, sane week.
https://alaraapothecary.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/alara.png00alaradesigns@gmail.comhttps://alaraapothecary.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/alara.pngalaradesigns@gmail.com2021-06-06 21:43:222021-06-06 21:43:27Welcome to ClownWorld
Hello, dear readers. If you’re a regular, you’ll know that I haven’t written a post for a while. Unfortunately, my Dad died suddently a couple of months ago and it’s been bedlam preparing for the funeral while trying to deal with it at the same time. I’m currently in quarantine, having returned from Nigeria. Of which, more later.
First of all, we won a couple of awards in the 2021 Beauty Bible Awards. A silver award for the Grapefruit* Rosewood bath oil, and a bronze award for the perennial favourite, Honeysuckle body cream. I am beyond overjoyed, especially because the products are tested by the general public who then award marks. To be voted for by regular people like you and I is the true benchmark of quality because we are the people who decide where to spend our hard-earned cash. It is the ultimate compliment. As a Christian, my first thanks must be to God, always. He never lets me down. Thank you so much to all our customers and supporters who have encouraged us through the years. Also, a big thank you to the wonderful people at the Beauty Bible who took a chance on an entirely unknown brand and bigged us up a couple of years ago. For any fledgling brands out there – persistence and perseverance is the name of the game. Don’t give up on your dreams. We still have a long way to go but we are at least on the path. Watch out for a competition to win the 2 winning products on Instagram and email to subscribers.
So, Nigeria. It was bonkers, as usual, in a very good way. It was incredible to go somewhere where Covid is not a thing, and to see what the world was like before 2020. The only time anyone is seen wearing a mask is when you go into the posh shopping malls and restaurants. In fact, people give you a wide berth if you wear a mask on the street because they assume you must be sick with covid. Why else wear a mask in 35°C heat? Other than that, fuggedaboutit. 200 million people, going about their lives. Of course, there is no daily terrifying death toll in all media, there is no clamour of cases, cases!! Therefore, people looked around, realised they don’t know anyone who knows anyone who knows anyone who is sick with Covid, never mind dying, and society returned to normal. In the absence of a welfare state, benefits or furlough, everyday citizens had to decide between staying indoors even if they were healthy and starving to death, or going out where no one is sick and building up herd immunity. There was an initial lockdown early last Spring but once it was clear that there was no epidemic in the country, never mind a pandemic, everyone went back to work. The government did announce all kinds of spurious curfews etc, but as the police refused to enforce it nazi-style and it was for midnight, that was that.
I spoke with many people while I was there to try and figure out why the society ignored the hysteria. The comment that stuck in my mind was from the porter helping with my luggage at the airport – “Nigerians don’t want to die, but we are not blind. If we can’t see or hear about people dying from Covid symptoms, we get on with our lives. Even if the government tries to claim that every death is from Covid, the families protest until the real cause of death is recorded. If we don’t work, we don’t eat. If bodies were piling up around us, the government won’t need to tell us to stay inside – they would be begging us to come outside. But there are no sick people, no one is sick or dying from it, so we get on with our lives” I was speaking with one of my colleagues last week about this and my conclusion? Vitamin D from the sun, and plenty of it. Also very little processed food, not much in the way of sugar or fried food, and a super-immune system built up over the years from being around unsanitary environs and eating street food. Essentially, being less well-off saved Africans. The only time in history when being poor in a tropical country was an advantage. The health system is non-existent due to government incompetence; if Covid had taken hold, the deaths would be in the millions in Nigeria because the majority of people can’t afford masks and sanitisers. And people wonder why we believe in God. We know that you certainly can’t put your faith in man. To put it into perspective, 25% of people earn around £10 a day. Masks and sanitisers? Three square meals a day would be nice. Apropos nothing, flu is also not a problem in Nigeria. I’d never heard of it till I came to England so respiratory diseases are obviously not a big problem, but there is good old malaria and typhoid to balance the scales.
On the day of the funeral, we catered for over 2000 people, and that was after trying to minimise attendance because of Covid. There were officially only 300 people invited and it was in a cathedral so we could socially-distance, but the custom is to feed any stranger who rocks up so that the disadvantaged are not ignored. The food was given out in take-away packs to reduce the risk of infection and discourage congregation. The church must have had 700 people minimum in the congregation. We enforced mask-wearing but those who were visiting from Europe and the US were freaking out 🙂 No one is sick or dying with Covid, thank God. Meanwhile, I spent £600 on mandatory covid testing alone. How insane is that? That’s two months pay for the average Nigerian, and lots of people earn less than that. When I read the fiction about summer holidays in the papers, I just laugh. The UK govt has no intention of letting you go on holiday. £600 each for a family of four before you’ve even paid for your holiday – do the maths. They won’t forbid it, they’ll just make it impossible. Then I foolishly decided to pay for Test & Release so that I can physically return to work, another £90. On the same day that I got my 3rd negative test result in 8 days, I got a text from Test & Trace that someone I had been in contact with at an unspecified place had tested positive for Covid, so I have to self-isolate for 10 days anyway. Non-comedy sketch follows:
But I’ve been in quarantine for 7 days, with no contact with any other human being. Doesn’t count.
But I’ve taken 3 PCR tests in 8 days including yesterday, and been negative each time. Doesn’t count.
OK, so I’ve got to take another PCR test after day 10 to make sure I don’t have Covid? Oh, no need for that. Only if you feel you need one or have symptoms.Otherwise, have at it.
So the PCR test is not definitive or the gold standard? Oh it is, apart from when we say it isn’t.
This is way past Kafkaesque, it’s now Alice in Wonderland. What does it remind me of? The vaccine that won’t stop you catching Covid, won’t stop you spreading Covid, and you still have to wear a mask, socially-distance and sanitise every surface you can find. But why? deaths are now in single figures. When do we stop? Do you want to kill your gran? Bonkers.
Can I just remind you all that there are elections this Thursday. Please go out and vote for any party that you feel is not lying to you, and doesn’t seem to be hellbent on destroying your life, everything you’ve worked for, and your children’s future. Is Screaming Lord Sutch still on the ballot? Good luck.
https://alaraapothecary.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/alara.png00alaradesigns@gmail.comhttps://alaraapothecary.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/alara.pngalaradesigns@gmail.com2021-05-03 18:44:372021-05-03 20:55:35Through The Looking Glass – A Visit To The Old Normal
Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there, and a big thank you to The Beauty Bible who featured us as a suggested gift and all our customers – we thank you, our bank manager thanks you. Check out our nice write-up here:
It’s been a while, what with sorting out the wretched email system that spammed our subscribers, and it’s also been crazy busy. The world is moving at such a fast rate at the moment, I’m sure I’m not the only one that is suffering from whiplash. The big story has of course been H & M. Remember what I said earlier about distractions and changing the story? What no one seems to be asking is why we are still in lockdown with deaths decreasing rapidly week on week even if we still have CASES, CASES…… Anyhoo, we are nearly there. In case you’ve missed it, the US is opening up rapidly apart from good ole California, or Commiefornia as it’s called these days (sorry, it’s childish but it makes me laugh). Life is nearly back to normal in the continents of Africa, South America and Asia but you wouldn’t know if from the European press. This blog is luckily a Covid-free zone as we are now bored senseless like most of the populace, so moving on……
H & M, haven’t seen it, don’t plan to, but I found the fallout very interesting as an amateur sociologist. My favourite part? Poor William declaring that the RF isn’t racist. I’m afraid everyone in the world had a real laugh as the headline we immediately thought of was, ‘After much consideration, man declares himself entirely innocent‘ 🙂 Well, he would say that, wouldn’t he? Yes dear, I think we will be the judge of that, if you don’t mind. What made it even more amazing is that Harry emphatically insisted that Britons aren’t racist, the press is. The wily press instantly turned that into ‘Harry accuses his family and the British people of being racist’, leaving William etc in an impossible situation. Is William racist, is the RF racist? No clue, don’t know any of them. Unless shown otherwise, I’m assuming they are just like anyone else and they get the benefit of doubt.
Then came the bullying claims. Meghan complains of being subjected to intolerable abuse in the press and on social media. What follows? Millions of people saying she’s lying about the abuse and has received nothing but rainbows and roses, and then making or writing abusive comments in….. the press and on social media. Total lack of self-awareness, human beings are so used to trolling people they don’t actually realise how devastating it is anymore. How scary is that? Someone in your workplace calls you fat, you can sue and get thousands in compensation. Thousands upon thousands of of articles and tweets etc call you a manipulative narcissist and you complain; you’re a snowfalke and anyway you live in a multimillion pound house so why are you whinging? People-baiting as a sport, what a mirror is being held up to our society. The last year of lockdown and deaths and suffering has apparently not increased our kindness or compassion. Are Meghan and Harry nasty pieces of work? No clue, don’t know them. Do news outlets dissemble and lie on occasion, do they destroy people by making them clickbait-worthy? Do they make money by publishing endless articles about some hate figure? You be the judge. My instinct is always to stick up for the underdog, and I hate bullies. And yes, I’ve often picked the wrong side so at the end of the day, only God can judge. Not sure who judges if you don’t believe in God, but that’s another story.
In other insane news, hundred women attend a vigil being held for a young woman who has been brutally struck down in the prime of her life. The vigil is unapproved but people including the Duchess of Cambridge feel compelled to visit and offer their condolences. The suspect is a serving officer in the Met. The police response? Wade into a crowd of screaming women, pin them to the ground, handcuff them and drag them away. Just like, wow, as the youngsters say. How tone-deaf is that? The word the Met forgot is …optics. Yes, they are breaking the law according to the Covid Act but what happened to sensitivity? And where were the police when the Rangers FC fan were having a blast celebrating their win in Glasgow? The response in Glasgow was the right one – it’s a huge crowd of deliriously happy people who have had a rubbish year. It’s one night, let them get on with it … and send them a bill for the damage afterwards. Yes, it’s a superspreader nightmare but it is what it is, that kind of crowd is almost impossible to control without equally non-distanced chaotic arrests. 100 distressed women in London? What is wrong with you? My local supermarket has about that number of people in it at any given time. They should just have appealed to them to socially-distance, given them 30mins and then shut it down. It’s a good thing that I have contact with lots of people in my job so that I know that most people are kind, sensible and compassionate – we all need to remind ourselves of that more and more frequently these days. Thank God for family, friends, our communities, and today, all mothers. Have a terrific, strife-free week and may the wind always be behind you. Today’s joke:
Daughter: Mum, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world? Mum: I don’t know dear, you’d have to ask Grandma.
https://alaraapothecary.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/20200806_124055-no-2.jpg7501000alaradesigns@gmail.comhttps://alaraapothecary.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/alara.pngalaradesigns@gmail.com2021-03-14 20:58:412021-03-14 20:58:45Can You Feel The Love?
Fabulous video of murmuration of starlings by @acreswildgardendesign. Check them out on IG, esp if you need a landscape designer this spring
Hi everyone, it’s been a while I know. I’ve had a lot going on lately but I have no wish to burden y’all with that. Just a quick post, first to improve your week by sharing this wonderful video of starlings taken by @acreswildgardendesign. Who doesn’t love a murmuration of starlings? Exactly. I follow them on Insta, and so should you. I’m a sucker for a beautiful garden and their work is lovely. When I’m landscaping AlaraTowers in the future, they are a shoo-in, for sure.
I hope everyone is doing OK. The government did announce the beginning of the end of lockdown by middle of February as predicted by moi. There is no more talk of July or any of that nonsense. Even the March 8th date they’re currently testing in the press is later than the dismantling will be. They are busily leaking stuff to the media to gauge how it will play out before announcing anything concrete in a bid to ward off the reckoning that is surely coming, as sure as eggs is eggs. Unless of course, eggs is no longer eggs but is now syntheggs, brought to you by Farmer Bill. Syntheggs! Yum!! Can’t wait.
So, I say it again, the lockdown is coming down, in its entirety. No vaccine passports, no showing your papers to robocops before you’re allowed to go out and buy a carton of milk. I mean, what the helling hell? What you can expect is a big distraction, a good day to bury bad news, so to speak. We already have a beginning with the Harry & Meghan show followed by the Kim & Kanye show but that won’t save their sorry backsides because quite frankly, we all have bigger issues to deal with. Must try harder, wheel out the big guns. My heart goes out to all the poor people who are quietly being made redundant, I just pray that the economy will still be robust enough so new jobs can be created.
Meanwhile in London, our dear mayor wants lockdown to continue indefinitely. Nothing to do with the mayoral elections that have been deferred for a year already. No, sirree Bob – you conspiracy theorist 🙂 His ass is grass the minute the polls open, and he knows it. He’d have to blow up Big Ben and declare a state of emergency AND martial law, before he gets to stay as mayor. Don’t give them ideas, you say…….
As we always say @Alara: you have nothing to fear but fear itself. These incompetent poltroons are mere mortals, and the whole Covid palaver is still a busted flush. I look forward to hanging out with you all in the nearest pub, very very soon. God is firmly on the throne, and beside Him, there is no other. That’s all she wrote for this week. Obvs, I must share the mandatory cheesy joke:
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”
“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”
It’s the way we tell ’em. Have a wonderful week.
Addendum: The govt has just announced its hilarious 75-step road to lifting lockdown. Right on cue, cases are rising all over the country. Remove lockdown in June, then come autumn, CASES,VARIANTS, CASES! They must believe that we are as thick as mince. They are actually saying the words ‘Zero Covid’ with a straight face. When I am Empress of the world, biology and statistics will be mandatory, no food if you fail the exams. That way this smoke-and-mirrors style of governance will be impossible. Zero tolerance which is unreasonable, you say? You should be used to it – just another set of arbitrary rubbish that doesn’t make sense. As they say in sunny Lagos, “Where we are going, we will get there” 🙂 The lockdown is ending – the only people who don’t understand that is the government but they will learn that all that glitters is not gold. Today’s cheesy joke:
“I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
Enough Already
Lately it’s occured to me that I have been approaching the whole Covid issue the wrong way. It’s been really odd because I’ve been insisting all along that the new normal is temporary, and that the narrative will not hold. As a Christian, I’ve been praying in my usually spectacularly ineffectual way for this nonsense to be over. After all even the government’s figures have been so low for hospitalisations and deaths for months now. So, why do we still have restrictions? And, if as I believe that our salvation from this living hell is coming from God, and I along with so many other Christians are praying, why are things going from bad to worse?
The final straw was this week’s announcement that lockdown will be extended for another 4 weeks. Why? They are still talking as though it’s not finalised, leaking stuff to the press to get everyone ready. But Covid marshalls have been contracted till 2022, with a possible extension to 2023. If they can fly across the world and not quarantine, and gladhand each other without a care in the world except when they’re indulging in theatre and standing 2m apart from one another, wearing masks for photo ops, why are the elderly not able to see their families without thinking they’ll all drop dead? Why are livelihoods being destroyed and young people left feeling there is no hope or future for them?
The road to clarity? I have a desperately ill cousin whom I’ve been praying for. It occured to me that because I believe she will be healed, I pray for her in a different, more personal way. It’s one person, it just seems easier. And when I pray for her, I ask for what I want, already beleieving it’s done because it’s God’s will. Yet when I pray about the darkness that covers the Earth, because it’s so intimidating, I change the prayer context to asking if you would, could you please. Even though I believe it’s God’s will to free us all from oppression. So, enough already. Let God arise and let his enemies be scattered, and let those who hate Him flee before him.
Because our entirely useless leaders seem to have so much power and no one can apparently stand against them as they destroy people’s families, businesses and mental health, they get away with ordeing us around and making any number of contradictory, dishonest decisions rather than face up to the harm they’ve done. A quiescent, unquestioning electorate is so much easier to govern, even enslave. But who are they to defy the armies of the living God? Nothing but chaff before the wind. It doesn’t matter if it’s incompetence or if there’s an agenda, the end result is still the same – the human race cowed, demoralised and enslaved. So, here is one person saying enough already, not in my power, but in God’s power. They didn’t create us, they don’t get to destroy us or determine our destinies. It is absolutely God’s will that this wickedness should end, and that end comes today. I am thrilled to say that it’s not in my power and it’s already done so i don’t have to worry about how it’s accomplished. I’m just get the easy part, the privilege of saying it out loud along with the other people who can see it. It is totally liberating to not have to do anything, just step out in faith. Enough.
Welcome to ClownWorld
I’ve been told off for posting about any random stuff that I find interesting, rather than bigging up AlaraApothecary. Sorry, award-winning AlaraApothecary as I obnoxiously refer to it these days 🙂 Seriously, the products are fabulous, buy something immediately. You know it makes sense.
A good friend of mine has decided that, forget The Matrix breaking down, we have now made a complete shift to a parallel universe he calls ClownWorld. And who can argue with him? I haven’t posted for a while because what would be the point? Life is a satire that my imagination can hardly keep up with. You can’t write a parody of a parody. My favourite items this week? They are linked and brought to you by the comedians at Twitter. Item no.1, Twitter fact-checkers suspended Luigi Warren’s account until he deleted a tweet where he says that spike protein shedding is possible after you receive an mRNA vaccine, though he doesn’t believe that it would be a problem. Not true, Misinformation, delete your tweet! One of the two pioneers of the technology for mRNA vaccines was…. you guessed it, Luigi Warren 🙂 I guess bothering to check who the tweeter was and what his qualifications are for the statement he was making, was just one check too many. His paper with Derek Rossi, co-founder of Moderna (yes, that Moderna)? – Highly efficient reprogramming to pluripotency and directed differentiation of human cells with synthetic modified mRNA (2010).
Meanwhile on the other side of town, item no.2. The Nigerian government blocked Twitter in Nigeria because of a rude remark about the President. Censorship! You can’t just block someone just because you disagree with their statement……….oh! I told you, ClownWorld.
I don’t intend to talk about the vaccine per se. My view is, the information is out there, you pays your money… My only concern is the idea that it’s OK to inject products that are still in clinical trials into children. What ninth circle of hell is this? Even the government say that children are pretty much unaffected by SAR-Cov2. Why aren’t we following the science? It is reprehensible to give them an injection with unknown longterm effects for a disease they are not in danger from. I truly don’t know what to do except pray for the children. This is when the clown changes from the funny guy at the circus to the clown from It.
Just as unamusing is being told ‘Freedom day’ might be postponed. Colour me astonished, not. Please read the previous post. I only wish I was proved wrong. Note to idiot government – We are already free, it’s only you loons who think the planet should be a giant prison. Muppets. I fully expect to wake up one day and find ‘variants’ are now by postcode. The SO2 8AT variant is on the rampage!!! Run for your lives!!!! I will repeat what I said a full year ago, the Covid gameshow-from-hell is a busted flush. They can huff and puff, but they won’t blow this house down. So people, be of good cheer. Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world. It may not look or feel like it, but it is solid Truth. Although, your friendly neighbourhood fact-checker may not necessarily be able to see it. I leave you with our traditional cheesy joke:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
Now, get online and buy an AlaraApothecary product. Have a fabulous, sane week.
Through The Looking Glass – A Visit To The Old Normal
Hello, dear readers. If you’re a regular, you’ll know that I haven’t written a post for a while. Unfortunately, my Dad died suddently a couple of months ago and it’s been bedlam preparing for the funeral while trying to deal with it at the same time. I’m currently in quarantine, having returned from Nigeria. Of which, more later.
First of all, we won a couple of awards in the 2021 Beauty Bible Awards. A silver award for the Grapefruit* Rosewood bath oil, and a bronze award for the perennial favourite, Honeysuckle body cream. I am beyond overjoyed, especially because the products are tested by the general public who then award marks. To be voted for by regular people like you and I is the true benchmark of quality because we are the people who decide where to spend our hard-earned cash. It is the ultimate compliment. As a Christian, my first thanks must be to God, always. He never lets me down. Thank you so much to all our customers and supporters who have encouraged us through the years. Also, a big thank you to the wonderful people at the Beauty Bible who took a chance on an entirely unknown brand and bigged us up a couple of years ago. For any fledgling brands out there – persistence and perseverance is the name of the game. Don’t give up on your dreams. We still have a long way to go but we are at least on the path. Watch out for a competition to win the 2 winning products on Instagram and email to subscribers.
So, Nigeria. It was bonkers, as usual, in a very good way. It was incredible to go somewhere where Covid is not a thing, and to see what the world was like before 2020. The only time anyone is seen wearing a mask is when you go into the posh shopping malls and restaurants. In fact, people give you a wide berth if you wear a mask on the street because they assume you must be sick with covid. Why else wear a mask in 35°C heat? Other than that, fuggedaboutit. 200 million people, going about their lives. Of course, there is no daily terrifying death toll in all media, there is no clamour of cases, cases!! Therefore, people looked around, realised they don’t know anyone who knows anyone who knows anyone who is sick with Covid, never mind dying, and society returned to normal. In the absence of a welfare state, benefits or furlough, everyday citizens had to decide between staying indoors even if they were healthy and starving to death, or going out where no one is sick and building up herd immunity. There was an initial lockdown early last Spring but once it was clear that there was no epidemic in the country, never mind a pandemic, everyone went back to work. The government did announce all kinds of spurious curfews etc, but as the police refused to enforce it nazi-style and it was for midnight, that was that.
I spoke with many people while I was there to try and figure out why the society ignored the hysteria. The comment that stuck in my mind was from the porter helping with my luggage at the airport – “Nigerians don’t want to die, but we are not blind. If we can’t see or hear about people dying from Covid symptoms, we get on with our lives. Even if the government tries to claim that every death is from Covid, the families protest until the real cause of death is recorded. If we don’t work, we don’t eat. If bodies were piling up around us, the government won’t need to tell us to stay inside – they would be begging us to come outside. But there are no sick people, no one is sick or dying from it, so we get on with our lives” I was speaking with one of my colleagues last week about this and my conclusion? Vitamin D from the sun, and plenty of it. Also very little processed food, not much in the way of sugar or fried food, and a super-immune system built up over the years from being around unsanitary environs and eating street food. Essentially, being less well-off saved Africans. The only time in history when being poor in a tropical country was an advantage. The health system is non-existent due to government incompetence; if Covid had taken hold, the deaths would be in the millions in Nigeria because the majority of people can’t afford masks and sanitisers. And people wonder why we believe in God. We know that you certainly can’t put your faith in man. To put it into perspective, 25% of people earn around £10 a day. Masks and sanitisers? Three square meals a day would be nice. Apropos nothing, flu is also not a problem in Nigeria. I’d never heard of it till I came to England so respiratory diseases are obviously not a big problem, but there is good old malaria and typhoid to balance the scales.
On the day of the funeral, we catered for over 2000 people, and that was after trying to minimise attendance because of Covid. There were officially only 300 people invited and it was in a cathedral so we could socially-distance, but the custom is to feed any stranger who rocks up so that the disadvantaged are not ignored. The food was given out in take-away packs to reduce the risk of infection and discourage congregation. The church must have had 700 people minimum in the congregation. We enforced mask-wearing but those who were visiting from Europe and the US were freaking out 🙂 No one is sick or dying with Covid, thank God. Meanwhile, I spent £600 on mandatory covid testing alone. How insane is that? That’s two months pay for the average Nigerian, and lots of people earn less than that. When I read the fiction about summer holidays in the papers, I just laugh. The UK govt has no intention of letting you go on holiday. £600 each for a family of four before you’ve even paid for your holiday – do the maths. They won’t forbid it, they’ll just make it impossible. Then I foolishly decided to pay for Test & Release so that I can physically return to work, another £90. On the same day that I got my 3rd negative test result in 8 days, I got a text from Test & Trace that someone I had been in contact with at an unspecified place had tested positive for Covid, so I have to self-isolate for 10 days anyway. Non-comedy sketch follows:
But I’ve been in quarantine for 7 days, with no contact with any other human being. Doesn’t count.
But I’ve taken 3 PCR tests in 8 days including yesterday, and been negative each time. Doesn’t count.
OK, so I’ve got to take another PCR test after day 10 to make sure I don’t have Covid? Oh, no need for that. Only if you feel you need one or have symptoms. Otherwise, have at it.
So the PCR test is not definitive or the gold standard? Oh it is, apart from when we say it isn’t.
This is way past Kafkaesque, it’s now Alice in Wonderland. What does it remind me of? The vaccine that won’t stop you catching Covid, won’t stop you spreading Covid, and you still have to wear a mask, socially-distance and sanitise every surface you can find. But why? deaths are now in single figures. When do we stop? Do you want to kill your gran? Bonkers.
Can I just remind you all that there are elections this Thursday. Please go out and vote for any party that you feel is not lying to you, and doesn’t seem to be hellbent on destroying your life, everything you’ve worked for, and your children’s future. Is Screaming Lord Sutch still on the ballot? Good luck.
Can You Feel The Love?
Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there, and a big thank you to The Beauty Bible who featured us as a suggested gift and all our customers – we thank you, our bank manager thanks you. Check out our nice write-up here:
https://www.beautybible.com/beauty-bible-posts/beauty-clinic-pampering-presents-for-my-mum-please?rq=alara%20apothecary
It’s been a while, what with sorting out the wretched email system that spammed our subscribers, and it’s also been crazy busy. The world is moving at such a fast rate at the moment, I’m sure I’m not the only one that is suffering from whiplash. The big story has of course been H & M. Remember what I said earlier about distractions and changing the story? What no one seems to be asking is why we are still in lockdown with deaths decreasing rapidly week on week even if we still have CASES, CASES…… Anyhoo, we are nearly there. In case you’ve missed it, the US is opening up rapidly apart from good ole California, or Commiefornia as it’s called these days (sorry, it’s childish but it makes me laugh). Life is nearly back to normal in the continents of Africa, South America and Asia but you wouldn’t know if from the European press. This blog is luckily a Covid-free zone as we are now bored senseless like most of the populace, so moving on……
H & M, haven’t seen it, don’t plan to, but I found the fallout very interesting as an amateur sociologist. My favourite part? Poor William declaring that the RF isn’t racist. I’m afraid everyone in the world had a real laugh as the headline we immediately thought of was, ‘After much consideration, man declares himself entirely innocent‘ 🙂 Well, he would say that, wouldn’t he? Yes dear, I think we will be the judge of that, if you don’t mind. What made it even more amazing is that Harry emphatically insisted that Britons aren’t racist, the press is. The wily press instantly turned that into ‘Harry accuses his family and the British people of being racist’, leaving William etc in an impossible situation. Is William racist, is the RF racist? No clue, don’t know any of them. Unless shown otherwise, I’m assuming they are just like anyone else and they get the benefit of doubt.
Then came the bullying claims. Meghan complains of being subjected to intolerable abuse in the press and on social media. What follows? Millions of people saying she’s lying about the abuse and has received nothing but rainbows and roses, and then making or writing abusive comments in….. the press and on social media. Total lack of self-awareness, human beings are so used to trolling people they don’t actually realise how devastating it is anymore. How scary is that? Someone in your workplace calls you fat, you can sue and get thousands in compensation. Thousands upon thousands of of articles and tweets etc call you a manipulative narcissist and you complain; you’re a snowfalke and anyway you live in a multimillion pound house so why are you whinging? People-baiting as a sport, what a mirror is being held up to our society. The last year of lockdown and deaths and suffering has apparently not increased our kindness or compassion. Are Meghan and Harry nasty pieces of work? No clue, don’t know them. Do news outlets dissemble and lie on occasion, do they destroy people by making them clickbait-worthy? Do they make money by publishing endless articles about some hate figure? You be the judge. My instinct is always to stick up for the underdog, and I hate bullies. And yes, I’ve often picked the wrong side so at the end of the day, only God can judge. Not sure who judges if you don’t believe in God, but that’s another story.
In other insane news, hundred women attend a vigil being held for a young woman who has been brutally struck down in the prime of her life. The vigil is unapproved but people including the Duchess of Cambridge feel compelled to visit and offer their condolences. The suspect is a serving officer in the Met. The police response? Wade into a crowd of screaming women, pin them to the ground, handcuff them and drag them away. Just like, wow, as the youngsters say. How tone-deaf is that? The word the Met forgot is …optics. Yes, they are breaking the law according to the Covid Act but what happened to sensitivity? And where were the police when the Rangers FC fan were having a blast celebrating their win in Glasgow? The response in Glasgow was the right one – it’s a huge crowd of deliriously happy people who have had a rubbish year. It’s one night, let them get on with it … and send them a bill for the damage afterwards. Yes, it’s a superspreader nightmare but it is what it is, that kind of crowd is almost impossible to control without equally non-distanced chaotic arrests. 100 distressed women in London? What is wrong with you? My local supermarket has about that number of people in it at any given time. They should just have appealed to them to socially-distance, given them 30mins and then shut it down. It’s a good thing that I have contact with lots of people in my job so that I know that most people are kind, sensible and compassionate – we all need to remind ourselves of that more and more frequently these days. Thank God for family, friends, our communities, and today, all mothers. Have a terrific, strife-free week and may the wind always be behind you. Today’s joke:
Daughter: Mum, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world?
Mum: I don’t know dear, you’d have to ask Grandma.
Fair Winds
Hi everyone, it’s been a while I know. I’ve had a lot going on lately but I have no wish to burden y’all with that. Just a quick post, first to improve your week by sharing this wonderful video of starlings taken by @acreswildgardendesign. Who doesn’t love a murmuration of starlings? Exactly. I follow them on Insta, and so should you. I’m a sucker for a beautiful garden and their work is lovely. When I’m landscaping AlaraTowers in the future, they are a shoo-in, for sure.
I hope everyone is doing OK. The government did announce the beginning of the end of lockdown by middle of February as predicted by moi. There is no more talk of July or any of that nonsense. Even the March 8th date they’re currently testing in the press is later than the dismantling will be. They are busily leaking stuff to the media to gauge how it will play out before announcing anything concrete in a bid to ward off the reckoning that is surely coming, as sure as eggs is eggs. Unless of course, eggs is no longer eggs but is now syntheggs, brought to you by Farmer Bill. Syntheggs! Yum!! Can’t wait.
So, I say it again, the lockdown is coming down, in its entirety. No vaccine passports, no showing your papers to robocops before you’re allowed to go out and buy a carton of milk. I mean, what the helling hell? What you can expect is a big distraction, a good day to bury bad news, so to speak. We already have a beginning with the Harry & Meghan show followed by the Kim & Kanye show but that won’t save their sorry backsides because quite frankly, we all have bigger issues to deal with. Must try harder, wheel out the big guns. My heart goes out to all the poor people who are quietly being made redundant, I just pray that the economy will still be robust enough so new jobs can be created.
Meanwhile in London, our dear mayor wants lockdown to continue indefinitely. Nothing to do with the mayoral elections that have been deferred for a year already. No, sirree Bob – you conspiracy theorist 🙂 His ass is grass the minute the polls open, and he knows it. He’d have to blow up Big Ben and declare a state of emergency AND martial law, before he gets to stay as mayor. Don’t give them ideas, you say…….
As we always say @Alara: you have nothing to fear but fear itself. These incompetent poltroons are mere mortals, and the whole Covid palaver is still a busted flush. I look forward to hanging out with you all in the nearest pub, very very soon. God is firmly on the throne, and beside Him, there is no other. That’s all she wrote for this week. Obvs, I must share the mandatory cheesy joke:
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”
“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”
It’s the way we tell ’em. Have a wonderful week.
Addendum: The govt has just announced its hilarious 75-step road to lifting lockdown. Right on cue, cases are rising all over the country. Remove lockdown in June, then come autumn, CASES,VARIANTS, CASES! They must believe that we are as thick as mince. They are actually saying the words ‘Zero Covid’ with a straight face. When I am Empress of the world, biology and statistics will be mandatory, no food if you fail the exams. That way this smoke-and-mirrors style of governance will be impossible. Zero tolerance which is unreasonable, you say? You should be used to it – just another set of arbitrary rubbish that doesn’t make sense. As they say in sunny Lagos, “Where we are going, we will get there” 🙂 The lockdown is ending – the only people who don’t understand that is the government but they will learn that all that glitters is not gold. Today’s cheesy joke:
“I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”