Another week has passed, and if you are reading this, you are alive, so trebles all round! To get the scaremongering info out of the way, the wretched media has led with the alleged 4000 ‘uncounted’ deaths in care homes which they describe as a cross between the Bates Motel and the Roach insect spray ad: ‘they check in, but don’t check out’. Ye gods and little fishes, there are 21,723 care homes in the UK (source: Oscar Research) with 473,000 residents in 2019 (source: Savills Market Analysis) and 21.8% of all deaths in the UK in 2018 occured in care homes (End of life care: www.gov.uk, Feb 2018).

If even one death per home is attributed to Covid-19 this winter, that final figure would be over 21000 so 4000 is not really all that alarming, given that the average age of care home residents is 83 years and most people only move into one when they are too frail or ill to look after themselves, hence the high mortality rate and prohibitive cost of care. Average life expectancy after moving into a care home? Just over 2 years. Excess winter deaths in 2017/2018 in the UK? 50,100 people, with 92% being 65 years + (source: Age UK) Do you know what we had in 2017/2018? A flu vaccine with a 10% efficacy rate in the 65+ age group. (yes 10%, figures from Public Health England). Please feel free to ignore the hysterical media-driven numbers- upmanship. Even better, switch off your TV. The 24-hour rolling corona-dirge is not doing any of us any good. Just say no.

In other news, as of yesterday Sweden has had a total of 1400 deaths and no lockdown, most of South America and Africa has deaths in single figures so we are all probably not dying in the next half hour. Maintaining the lockdown is pointless once the objective of getting the NHS ready for cases is achieved because you will get a spike of cases the minute people start to congregate again. However, if those people are mostly fit and young, most will shake it off without medical intervention. Hence Sweden. So the numbers will rise, then fall, and stay down. And a second wave? Pish, posh, there will be no second wave because it’s going to get warm and we will all be brimming with Vitamin D. As for the vaccine, if as expected it will be a ‘live vaccine’, have a look at the exclusion criteria for live vaccines. You can’t give it to anyone who is pregnant, immunocompromised or has had an allergy to a previous vaccine. As for the efficacy rate of vaccines and mutations ……… Let’s just say the governments need to be looking at all options. Encouragingly, anecdotal evidence seems to suggest that Covid has been circulating since Nov-Dec 2019, and a lot of people have had it and survived it but we thought it was a kind of superflu.Therefore we shouldn’t need to wreck the world’s economy every winter for the forseeable, or indeed establish a worldwide police state. To the Christians out there, today’s verse is: ‘ These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.‘ To everyone else, that is Jesus-speak for: ‘Chillax, I’ve got this. Make the most of the time you’ve got’. I have paraphrased somewhat 🙂

The difference between the two artworks? Perspective. That’s what you and I need. Rather than the gloomsters’ terrifying numbers telling us that 162,000 have died worldwide of Covid-19 , remind yourself that 6,999,838,000 people have not died of Covid-19, and that if yesterday was an average day, 360,000 beautiful children were born yesterday alone. That does not minimise the sadness of these and other deaths but life has a 100% mortality rate. Carpe diem.

I leave you with the apposite ‘Message in a bottle’ by The Police, and just for fun, Levert’s awesome ‘Casanova’ Those clothes! And as for those dancing moves they’re busting… Epic. Funniest thing I’ve seen this week is on Reddit. Confused? You will be. Have a happy, healthy week.

• EXACTLY WHAT IS THIS QUARANTINE?
• Basically, you can’t leave the house for any reason, but if you have to, then you can.
• Masks are useless, but maybe you have to wear one, it can save you, it is useless, but maybe it is mandatory as well.
• Stores are closed, except those that are open.
• You should not go to hospitals unless you have to go there. Same applies to doctors, you should only go there in case of emergency, provided you are not too sick.
• This virus is deadly but still not too scary, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster.
• Gloves won’t help, but they can still help.
• Everyone needs to stay HOME, but it’s important to GO OUT.
• There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarket, but there are many things missing when you go there in the evening, but not in the morning. Sometimes.
• The virus has no effect on children except those it affects.
• Animals are not affected, but there is still a cat that tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested, plus a few tigers here and there…
• You will have many symptoms when you are sick, but you can also get sick without symptoms, have symptoms without being sick, or be contagious without having symptoms. Oh, my God.
• In order not to get sick, you have to eat well and exercise, but eat whatever you have on hand and it’s better not to go out, well, but no…
• It’s better to get some fresh air, but you get looked at very wrong when you get some fresh air, and most importantly, you don’t go to parks or walk. But don’t sit down, except that you can do that now if you are old, but not for too long or if you are pregnant (but not too old).
• You can’t go to retirement homes, but you have to take care of the elderly and bring food and medication.
• If you are sick, you can’t go out, but you can go to the pharmacy.
• You can get restaurant food delivered to the house, which may have been prepared by people who didn’t wear masks or gloves. But you have to have your groceries decontaminated outside for 3 hours. Pizza too?
• Every disturbing article or disturbing interview starts with ” I don’t want to trigger panic, but…”
• You can’t see your older mother or grandmother, but you can take a taxi and meet an older taxi driver.
• You can walk around with a friend but not with your family if they don’t live under the same roof.
• You are safe if you maintain the appropriate social distance, but you can’t go out with friends or strangers at the safe social distance.
• The virus remains active on different surfaces for two hours, no, four, no, six, no, we didn’t say hours, maybe days? But it takes a damp environment. Oh no, not necessarily.
• The virus stays in the air – well no, or yes, maybe, especially in a closed room, in one hour a sick person can infect ten, so if it falls, all our children were already infected at school before it was closed. But remember, if you stay at the recommended social distance, however in certain circumstances you should maintain a greater distance, which, studies show, the virus can travel further, maybe.
• We count the number of deaths but we don’t know how many people are infected as we have only tested so far those who were “almost dead” to find out if that’s what they will die of…
• We have no treatment, except that there may be one that apparently is not dangerous unless you take too much (which is the case with all medications).
• We should stay locked up until the virus disappears, but it will only disappear if we achieve collective immunity, so when it circulates… but we must no longer be locked up for that?