Here we are, at the last Hurrah of summer. I’ve been having one of those weeks when it seems that either I’m being punked, or the world has gone nutso. It reminded me of one of my favourite sites in Jerusalem, the aptly named ‘Bonkers Cafe’ which is a fitting metaphor for the whole Middle East, nay, the whole world. The cafe is right round the corner from the Church of the Holy Sepulchre which is itself a byword for bonkers behaviour with its squabbling monks busily fighting over an empty tomb – bald men fighting over a comb.
In this spirit, I’m sharing a few things embodying l’esprit bonkers with you. First of all, I found these kitchens while reading the Apartment Therapy blog. That gold and pink marbled extravaganza is absolutely magnificent. Talk about con brio. Yep, bonkers all right; I love it. The blue kitchen on the other hand is very pleasing because it’s not so much bonkers as brilliant: that chandelier is a DIY-job made from Bic pens. What’s not to love? And how do I know the designer is a natural born genius? He stuck to one colour which makes it super-chic. Multi-colours would just have looked cheap. Harry, whoever you are, I salute you.
The grand winner of my summer award for bonkerness – not as obvious as you might think. Donald Trump is not even a contender because ‘Billionaire cheats on wife and suffers numerous bimbo eruptions’ is just a waste of newsprint. Seriously, we all already assumed that story so no one cares. Massive yawn. No, my fave is the chairman of The British Sandwich Association (me neither 🙂 ) who warned solemnly that Brexit would result in a nationwide shortage of sandwiches. Cor-double-blimey, as we say down the old Roman Road. At the stroke of midnight on the 31st of March, 2019, the British would lose the ability to turn milk into cheese and butter, to turn pork into ham and bacon, and all British hens would stop laying eggs, en masse. How can this disaster be averted? My suggestions of making sandwiches from swedes (the vegetable, not the people) have been met with scorn. However, I would posit that anyone who has survived an English boarding school would welcome swede sandwiches with a hearty cheer. Certainly, it would be a major improvement on the ‘meat’ stews.
Anyhoo, this pronouncement was met by a massive’ Meh!’ Now, if he’d said Brexit would result in a shortage of avocados and coffee, 70 million Britons (OK, 11 million Londoners 🙂 ) would be on their knees, begging to be let back into the EU. But, as avocados and coffee come from Africa and South America, he was met by a polite invitation to ‘jog on, pal’.
Just in case you are tempted to sneer at my lovely kichens, considering them to be lurid and too blingy, let me just tell you that they are pale shadows of the hallucinatory stuff God does when he’s showing off. I submit Exhibit A; Hutt Lagoon in Australia. These are real pictures. The water is that crazy colour because of a bloom of pink algae. I rest my case, m’lud. Have a lovely bank holiday. Pip pip.
(Photo: Steve Back)
