When the moon hits your eye….

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After surviving a truly terrifying day dealing with the crazier portion of the general public yesterday, I have had a much more tranquil day, mostly because I’ve had a day off, safe from the lunatics out there. There is no power on this Earth that can convince me that a full moon does not affect a significant percentage of the human race adversely. If you don’t believe me, ask any healthcare professional. If they disagree with me, they are obviously idiots and I’m still right anyway. You think the moon may be affecting me as well? Ridiculous idea.

Anyway, I love the moon. It’s my favourite foreign body.. I am inclined to paint it rather obsessively, but unfortunately not with the artistic talent of my boy Vincent. I’m always amazed that such a piece of barren rock can bring out the romantic in most human beings. Just think of the names we’ve given to different sites on the moon–Mare Nectaris, the Sea of Nectar; Mare Fecunditatis, the Sea of Fertility; Mare Crisium, the Sea of Crises, and my personal fave, Mare Tranquilitatis, the Sea of Tranquility. Who doesn’t want to go for a swim in the Sea of Tranquility? Exactly.                                 You just know it’ll be greeny-blue and warm as a bath and there’ll be dolphins and coral and porpoises and clownfish…….

I’m going to pull on my flak jacket and put on my (tinfoil-lined) hard hat until the moon starts to wane and sanity is restored world wide. I leave you with my favourite moon-conspiracy theory picture 🙂

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Plus, do you know why we can see total eclipses of the Sun from Earth? It’s because the Sun is 400 times further from the Earth than the Moon is, whilst the Moon is 400 times smaller than the Sun, give or take. Isn’t that incredible? I can’t tell you how much it cheers me up to think of God taking the trouble, working it all out with his protractor and set square 🙂 AlaraApothecary: we bring you all the facts that matter. Have a fab and groovy day.

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From The Sublime To The Ridiculous

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Once in a blue moon, a blogpost just writes itself. I was returning home after working abroad for a week. The trip started very badly when I found that the Gatwick Express was closed the day I was travelling. After a trains, planes and automobiles journey which took three hours, I rocked up to the check-in desk and realised that I had left my passport at home. I nearly passed out. I’ve been travelling by myself since I was 14; I have never forgotten my passport, not once. The last few weeks have been so stressful, I’m surprised I didn’t even forget I was going away in entirety. Fortunately they accepted my driving licence as Photo ID.

While I’ve been away, I’ve been reading a book on cosmology and universe-creation theories (don’t worry, I didn’t understand most of it. This will be a brainiac-free zone today 😉 ) . So, I’m on the train back into London, and one of the quotes in the book really resonated with me. The mathematician Paul Dirac said it’s of greater importance to have beauty in one’s equations than to have them fit experiment, his point being that the cosmos is so intricately and beautifully designed, an elegant mathematical solution even if not entirely resolved, is more likely to lead you in the right direction than an ‘ugly’ equation. I personally believe this is true; even the most cursory glance at the fundamental laws reveals their sheer elegance.

Anyway, I had to switch trains at Clapham Junction and it was so noisy, I couldn’t concentrate. I started looking at my emails instead and found one from Boca do Lobo about the most ridiculous paintings sold for millions. The examples are shown above. In order, the Gerhard Richter was $1.1 million, the Barnett Newman was $43 million, the Rothko was $72 million and the Jackson Pollock cost $161 million. Now is it just me? That gave me a terrific laugh. I guess a fool and his money are welcome at Sotheby’s and Christie’s. Talk about the emperor’s new cloak. It made me think though; is the art bad in itself, or is it the price that is a problem? I quite like a some of the work by Pollock and I’m a huge Richter fan. In the same way, I feel I can relate to Rothko’s use of colour because it almost seems to be a litmus-test for his mood. Those prices are mental though. Like Cocaine, buying high-end art is God’s way of telling you that you have too much money.

My personal favourite is Cy Twombly. No one can convince me that his work isn’t some Marcel Duchampesque in-joke. Here are some examples. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you his work is mostly ‘untitled’.

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Don’t tell me he’s not taking the Michael. His work never fails to cheer me up; he was a hoot. The first one sold for $70 million by the way. I leave you with some paintings for comparison, and I hope you experience some life-enhancing beauty this week, scientific, artistic, divine or even human. Pip pip.

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(paintings: Gerhard Richter; Guido Reni; Loyiso Mkize; Giorgio de Chirico)

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Keep on keeping on……

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Well, the last couple of weeks can only be described as hellish. First of all, a huge apology to all you wonderful people who have been trying to place orders where payments are not going through. Please bear with us, the issue is being urgently looked at, believe me. After all, it’s only Valentine’s Day week– not at all significant for a company selling luxury skincare (sob). So apart from computer gremlins etc etc, what else has gone wrong? If I told you that my boiler stopped working last Friday and that I had no heating or hot water for 5 days until it could be replaced yesterday, you’d probably think, “Yep, that sounds pretty grim”. Now, if I told you that doesn’t even make it into the top 5 worst things that happened over the last fortnight, that ought to give you an idea about why I used the term ‘hellish’.

However, there’s always light in the darkness. For instance, the temperature of the room I’m in at the moment is approximately 50 °C. Over-compensation, you say? Seriously, I haven’t been that cold since I was in school. Wrong on so many levels. Secondly, I had the pleasure of having the time to catch up with the newspapers and magazines. They’re all full of lurid pink stuff for the laydeez for Valentine’s Day. It made me laugh like a drain. I mean, what are we, 8-year old girls? For any admirers who are stumped, (note to friends and family, my admirers are innumerable, thank you 🙂 ) I would very much like a VW Touareg or one of the new Nissan Qashqais. In red or black please- see how flexible I am, not at all high-maintenance. A toy version would be acceptable as long as it’s not pink, and I do ordinarily like pink but there are limits. So, to all the female journalists peddling this nonsense at the moment, the sisterhood has awarded you a loud, pink raspberry. Your sentence has been commuted because it was actually quite funny seeing pages of the wretched pink items. Our images today are of the stuff that’s cheered me up this week, none of them calamine-lotion coloured. Hope you are all warm and safe wherever you are.

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February made me shiver….

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After a couple of ‘interesting’ days (in a Chinese proverb kind of way), wrestling with recalcitrant computer servers, a PC which I am completely certain is possessed and the advent of the hayfever season, I don’t know about you, but I could use a laugh or 70. I am one of those unfortunate souls who suffer from perennial rhinitis which means I have a background level of hayfever which needs to be treated all year round, and which ramps up with a vengeance in March. It’s early this year so there is the ungodly combination of freezing cold and full-on hayfever. How can that even be possible; it’s wrong on so many levels. What would be the ideal occupation for such a person, I hear you ask? Working with essential oils? Not really the first choice is it? At least I’m not a gardener or florist 🙂

Anyhoo, having been served a giant helping of lemons, I am busily making lemonade. My mission today is to spread spring cheer like pollen, hence the cartoons and images in this post. I leave you with my latest favourite terrible ‘jokes’.

Joke no 1: ‘I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist’

Joke no 2: Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay. You have my Word.’

AlaraApothecary: we put your day in perspective.
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Happy days are here again

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It’s that time of year again, when all sensible people are overloading on carbs and wearing fashion-defying beanie hats, and the design world is gearing up for the celebration of frivolity and sheer ludicrousness that is the design season. It started this week with Maison & Objet  in Paris and will continue until Salone di Mobile in Milan in the spring. There will be a brief pause before the madness of the fashion weeks and interior design weeks from summer to autumn.

Obviously you all base your yearly calendars around these events, and life would have no meaning if they were cancelled. Yes, you’re right; I only sneer as a defence mechanism. I love all the shiny new stuff that arrives with the shows. As entrepreneurs from the CEO of IKEA to Orla Kiely have been busily telling us off for buying new stuff, apparently on some suicide mission to destroy their businesses (Ratners, anyone?), could we at AlaraApothecary please strongly reiterate that we wish you to buy as much of our products as you can afford without having to file for bankruptcy. Until 7 billion people have worked out a way to barter hemp bags for eggs etc, we are going to stick with the system we have if that’s OK.

So, gorgeous shiny new things for you to stare at before you go and do something useful like re-grouting the bathroom. In case you didn’t know, the final picture shows the Pantone colours which have been chosen for 2016. They rejoice under the names of Rose Quartz and Serenity. I love the design world, I really do. And the Bugatti Type 51 Dubos Coupé? That’s just eye candy that I couldn’t resist because, oh my, what a beautiful car. I could almost believe that if I had that car, I would be a better person….almost. I wouldn’t actually drive it, you understand. I would just stroke it and sing to it and occasionally sleep in it. Idolatry, you say? Pah! I knew there was something wrong with that scenario 🙂 Have a lovely week.

(Pin and lace sculpture by Aurelie Wozniak; Glassware by Sophie Villepigue)

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