Doctor Feelgood

In a week when the papers have been full of what can only be described as ‘feelbad’ news, I’m so glad that I’ve been so busy I haven’t had time to focus on any of it. From the mother who insisted that her 4-year old was a girl and dressed him, and treated him accordingly, with the social workers being too scared of challenging the current orthodoxy to actually ask the child what he thought: 3 years later, he’s thoroughly confused about his identity and hates his own body. The number of children in the sole care of a single parent whose sanity is at best questionable is truly terrifying. Those poor children are force-fed any number of lies and beliefs that the parent sees fit to disseminate; I have met quite a few of them. They’ve been subjected to brainwashing techniques that would make the North Korean government gasp in admiration, and find it very difficult to think for themselves.

Then we had the woman who waged a war of attrition against one of  the other school-gate mothers because she believed her daughter had been excluded from a birthday party. It eventually culminated in her phoning through a hoax terrorist attack in an attempt to frame her victim. The people with snakes in their heads, that’s how I think of them. They are astonishing. She wasn’t satisfied that she had managed to totally isolate her victim by waging a very effective misinformation campaign against her; presumably she wouldn’t be satisfied until her victim was in prison or dead. It’s that bit that amazes me – the sheer pitilessness. The victim can never suffer enough to satisfy whatever dark craving consumes the lunatic who’s targeting them.

Quite frankly, the only amusing story this week was that of the man who allegedly shoplifted a set of Venetian blinds, stuffing them in his trousers and hoodie in a cunning manner. In my new merciful frame of mind, I have cropped the picture so you can’t see his face.

I’m sure you’ll agree the blinds are totally inconspicuous 🙂 The comments from the public on seeing the picture included “It’ll be curtains for him now”. That’s why I love British newspapers so much. I leave you with some beautiful stuff to cheer up your weekend, and some of my favourite jokes from this year’s Edinburgh Festival:

“My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He’s a man after my own heart.” Masai Graham

“Why is it old people say ‘there’s no place like home’, yet when you put them in one …” Stuart Mitchell

“Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask.” Jordan Brookes

“I spotted a Marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound.” Roger Swift