Winter Of Discontent

Oh no! A world shortage of lettuce, broccoli and cabbage!! How will we cope? Yep, you guessed – children all over Europe are pumping their fists in the air and doing cartwheels. As a well-known philanthropist, I would like to donate my lifetime portion of Iceberg lettuce to a grateful world. Don’t all thank me at once. This is what happens when a short-sighted succession of idiots aka the government, believe that it’s a good idea to rely on imported food. Radical idea: why don’t we get some guys to grow food and pay them a fair price for it instead of covering the countryside with solar panel farms and wind turbines. We could call them farmers.

Much as I love the odd vegetable, and I mean odd: I love the stuff everyone else hates – spinach, swede, turnips, parsnips etc, a little can go a long way. I was watching Diners, Drive-ins and Drives (if you don’t watch it, what could you be spending your time on?) and a fabulous guy from the Papi Queso food truck made a Pig Mac. Yep, a grilled cheese sandwich with a slice of Macaroni Cheese and half a kilo of Pulled Pork. He did garnish it with some herbs so that’s the veg bit taken care of 🙂 It looked incredible.

As you might have guessed, I am fed-up to the back teeth, not with Pig Macs, but with winter. As a child of the Tropics through and through, February is always one cold month too many. The walk to the newsagent was so uninspiring that I was forced to look at my boots all the way just to see something attractive. You have no idea of the ghastliness of it all, truly. It is the unholy trinity of grey skies (and not in a Farrow & Ball way), the start of the wretched hay-fever season, and miserable cold weather. And no, I do not wish to get my Vitamin D from a pill. Now if they started selling Vitamin-D infused Tequila, that might help. Note to self: Excellent business idea! So you know what you can do with your Vit D pill. I need sunshine, and lots of it. I love that sign from a beer garden in Hampshire although it makes me long for Summer. I don’t know which is scarier to parents – a toddler that’s tanked up on Espresso or the free Puppy. Yikes.

I leave the final word to my boy Ogden- he can always  be guaranteed to cheer up the gloomiest day:

The Porcupine

Any hound a porcupine nudges
Can’t be blamed for harboring grudges.
I know one hound that laughed all winter
At a porcupine that sat on a splinter.

Have a great week.

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