Ho! Ho! Ho

A week of dysfunctional systems. I was going to write a post about the artisans I met in Florence but my idiot computer resolutely refuses to load the images. If any of you are feeling you need to help my pitiful state, a new laptop would be great. Ta very much. This fits in well with my idiot body which has been turning against me for the last couple of weeks. So, instead of the uplifting and edifying world of handmade, artisanal products, I will treat you to a glimpse of the frankly insane and ridiculously frivolous  world of high-end design. I receive lots of missives from companies making bespoke products and catering to the 0.001%; tiles at £5000 per sq m, yawn, handwoven Pratesi  2000 thread-count bedsheets at £600 a pop, so 2010.

Occasionally though, I receive emails which are so astounding, I have to pick my jaw off the floor. All the items featured in the images are suggested Christmas presents. I particularly love the Boca do Lobo safe that’s so expensive, presumably you need to keep it in another safe. I haven’t included the prices of these products because, really, why bother? I will tell you though that both the Van Cleef & Arpels pen and the 24K gold loo paper are roughly the same price: £780,000. Don’t you just love synchronicity. This is truly a perfect world.

Before you sneer at the purchasers, firstly let me be clear. All 0.001 percenters are heartily welcome at AlaraApothecary, and please buy at least one each of our products  and tell all your friends 🙂 It is so obvious that this is not what Christmas is all about, I don’t think I should have to mention it. I think most of us know that though, so just marvel at the beautiful workmanship of the people who have made these products (apart from the loo roll. Really, words fail me. Apparently you get a bottle of champagne thrown in with every purchase. Probably LIDL’s house Cuvée). And besides, that Mont Blanc pen is outrageously lovely. Someone has to keep the producers of gold bras and rhinestone-studded loo seats in business. 0.001 percenters everywhere, we at AlaraApothecary send you a big festive hug. To the rest of my people out there, please don’t forget the Homeless charities this winter.

( photos: Marte Omas pen; Toiletpaperman.com.au; Victoria’s Secret; Mont Blanc and Van Cleef & Arpels; Baron safe, Boca do Lobo)