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Oh to be in Somerset now Spring is here, to paraphrase R. Browning

Tell me why I don’t like mondays…… Had a most excellent weekend and now back to reality, boo, hiss. I spent Saturday messing around in the countryside; I had to go to Crewkerne in Somerset and it was a perfect day for driving. God help me when we all have our cars confiscated to save the planet – I’m working on a scheme to run an engine on potato spirit, I’ll keep you posted. I realised how much I love driving when I was making a journey from Manchester to the Southern coast. The bossy lady on Google Maps said ‘Take the first exit at the roundabout and drive for 186 miles’, and I started smiling. That’s when I knew I had a problem. So, there I was ambling down winding country roads, birds were twittering, the sun was out, and the place names were brilliant: Staple Fitzpaine, Thornfalcon, Hatch Beauchamp, and my personal favourite, Wreath. Rural England is ridiculously beautiful in Spring; you ought to see the wildflowers in the hedgerows. I also saw fields full of wretched crows helping themselves to the winter wheat. The poor farmers, having their livelihoods decimated while urban lunatics want to adopt crows and ravens. We’ll soon decide that crows are not so cuddly when we are importing all our wheat and paying £5 for a bread roll in London. You already do that? That means you shop at Poilâne and this blog isn’t posh enough for you 🙂 I’m starting a campaign to set aside an annual ‘hug the farmer day’. Seriously, maximum kudos to them for getting up at 4am and wading through mud and manure. My absolute worst nightmare. Besides, I can just imagine the startled expressions of the horrified farmers when they are hugged by random townies bussed in for the day. Comedy gold- this is very much an idea whose time has come, I’m sure you’ll agree.

What else? Well, I read the latest bonkers issue of World of Interiors which used to be as dry as dust but is currently insane and pun-tastic. I can only assume it’s under new editorship. It’s absolutely hilarious and besides I love a good pun, the more scholarly the better.

A wodewose

There’s a terrific story in it about when Charles VI of France decided to dress up as a wodewose (medieval mythical wild man) along with some of his closest chums. To achieve that authentic shaggy look, they had themselves sown into linen cloth soaked in resinous wax or pitch. A torchlit procession then followed. What could go wrong? The king had to be put out by the quick-minded Duchess of Berry who employed her skirts in a very unorthodox manner. A great day out wouldn’t you say? Quite why our own esteemed royal family don’t entertain us in this fashion, I don’t know. Elf ‘n’ safety you say? Pah! They’re a bunch of milquetoasts; make them earn their pay, that’s what I say. Anyone who survives gets to be king or queen. Surely you can’t say fairer than that. It’s a show tailor-made for Channel 5. If WOI is that entertaining next month, I’m definitely subscribing.

Find of the week? David Linley’s Quantum kitchen which is a work of art – it’s like a couture dress. It was love at first sight. It costs £185,000 you say? You can’t put a price on love, you barbarians. OK, even if I could afford it, I wouldn’t spend 190K on a kitchen ( I bet it doesn’t even include a Gaggenau oven or two) but it is still lovely.

Quantum kitchen loveliness: David Linley Furniture

Favourite quote of the week? I have two. First was the result of a survey in an old copy of Country Living that revealed that ‘98% of people would be saddened if farms vanished from the countryside’. I nearly chocked on my drink. Never mind being saddened, 98% of people would starve to death if farms vanished from the countryside. That might be a bit more pertinent, I woulda thunk. Second quote, from The Blacklist. One of Red’s pet torturers Teddy had been brought in to extract information from a well-deserving killer. When his son couldn’t manage to get the info, he confided to Red: “Nothing hurts so much as when a child disappoints. Like being impaled by a unicorn” The Blacklist makes me feel extremely sane when I compare myself to the characters. Have a glorious week.