It Ain’t Easy Being Green

Kermit the Frog had that right. My favourite story of the week? The plastic-munching Coral. Scientists have discovered that the coral in the Pacific reefs, far from dying out rapidly due to pollution of the seas with plastic microbeads, have shown a preference for the wretched stuff as they appear to love its taste. They have discovered that these delinquent creatures will ignore their usual food and feed on plastic if given the choice. Coral, Coral, Quite Contrary. Poor eco-warriors have a very heavy cross to bear; you’d need a heart of stone not to laugh. They keep trying to save the earth, and the ungrateful earth keeps thwarting their efforts. My all-time best eco story is from a few years back when Camden Council decided that what with the purported global warming imminently turning Europe into a desert, they would plant olive trees right across the borough in anticipation of the coming Negev-type conditions. What happened next? It snowed for a week, and then rained for six solid weeks. I am sorry to report that the olive trees did not survive. And people say that God has no sense of humour 🙂

Anyways, the poor scientists are now trying to find a way to make plastic less palatable to the coral-palate. Personally, I’m all for banning plastic wrapping from all supermarket food, and we ought to be using only paper and cloth bags. American supermarkets manage to supply paper bags, why can’t we? I have a new theory which might help. It came to me in the bath, as happens with many great (some say insane, but what do they know?) theories do. I wonder if all matter is made from light, and that you get solid material if you slow photons down enough. This actually works really well with the Creation story, “Let there be light, and there was light” It’s the reason why light was produced first; everything else was made from light. Unfortunately, my theory cannot be tested unless you can find a divine being who is willing to co-operate. The converse may be feasible though. Where am I going with this? Well, if it is true, it means that if you can move matter e.g waste materials, fast enough, you can disintegrate it and perhaps transmute the atoms into something useful. It’s just a matter of finding the right resonance and speed. How cool would that be? It’s not that far out; after all, the right sound waves can break glass and damage steel. Dopey alchemists, never mind the philosopher’s stone. They should have been studying quantum mechanics instead.

The cool picture above? It’s of an orchard in Tipperary. The morning after that storm last week, they went to survey the damage and found that pretty much all the apples had fallen from the trees and were laid out neatly in layers with minimal damage. Amazing. I hope they found work for all the pickers who are now not required anymore though. As the saying goes, it’s an ill wind that blows nobody any good.

In the design world, we have the sublime and the ridiculous, as usual. I really like David Uzochukwu’s picture which is on display at AKKA fair in Paris, 10-12 November. It reminds me of an old favourite, Steven Meisel’s photo of Coco Rocha as shown below. Similar idea, totally different vibes. Genius.

And the ridiculous? Montblanc’s $1.8million pen, created as a tribute to Hannibal. No, not Lecter! The Carthaginian general. They have also dedicated it to Baal, adding that satanic touch that every writing implement needs.

You may think I’m going to be snooty about the cost, but not I. If Montblanc can persuade some fool to give them 2 million bucks in exchange for a pen, maximum kudos to them so long as the fool is spending his own money. Yes, His. No woman alive would spend 2 million quid on a pen, and no, please don’t write in 🙂 My favourite bit? The blurb going on about how the elephant is covered with hand-set diamonds. Well, why didn’t ya say so at once? Cheque or cash? Y’all have a terrific weekend now.

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