Life Enhancers

After a ludicrously hectic week, I was supposed to be visiting Bath today. A spot of Georgian-style relaxation is just what the doctor ordered. Yup, bank holiday – guess what the weather is like? Not fancying a bath in Bath, I am plumping for staying at home and making mischief on the net. There are so many satirical targets this week, quite frankly, I’m spoilt for choice. First up is Balenciaga with their Ikea-bag hommage. I can’t tell you how much I love this bag. It can only be surpassed in my affection by Louis Vuitton’s offering from a few years ago. The latter is exactly the same as the bag popularly known in Nigeria as ‘Ghana-must-go’ except that it cost 7000 smackers rather than £3. I personally believe they came up with the bag just to provide all Nigerians with a belly laugh, for which we are all grateful.

In the same week, it has been reported that there are already fakes of the shiny, new unforge-able £1 coin. This beat the 4 weeks it took for fake £5 notes to appear. Makes you proud to be British – that’s enterprise, that is. The Bank of England refused to comment. I bet 🙂

Next up was Gwyneth Paltrow’s contribution to the world of gardening. Her website is offering absolutely fabulous gardening equipment at absolutely fabulous prices. My favourite? The £300 pewter watering can. Now, my garden is currently a blot on the landscape. I have been thinking I ought to clear it before my neighbours start a petition. Now I can buy the tools I really need! This news provoked the rather funny Pugh cartoon below:

Personally, I have never believed that Gwyneth Paltrow actually exists. Ever since she came up with the Spring wardrobe must-haves that every woman needs to have which came at a cost of £300,000, I have firmly believed that she is a satirical construct by one of our finer comedians. The fact that she has convinced huge swathes of the population that Quinoa and Kale belong in cakes and cookies only makes the experiment even funnier. Gwyneth, I salute your Hogarthian escapades.

My fave all-time satirists are Karl Lagerfeld and Moschino fashion house founded by the late, much-missed Franco Moschino. The Chanel shopping basket is yours for $12500. The dopey papers say that the offerings are a sign of the fashion for ‘stealth wealth’, where the rich like to carry bags etc that do not have any logos to show how posh they are. As any fashion-forward fule kno, this is completely untrue. These bags are instantly recognised by those who care about such things, and we know how much they cost. In reality, they are a huge joke on the part of the designers, the butts being the clueless fashionistas who think they are in on the joke. Sweetie, if it costs £3000 to be part of the joke, sorry, you are the joke. You don’t even get fries with that. It all adds to the gaiety of the nations and I for one thank all participants for their efforts. Now, where are those £6000 galoshes. Don’t you realise that there’s a British bank holiday in the offing? Have a terrific weekend.