Machiavelli Mi Amore

BREXIT- the gift that just keeps on giving. First of all, the bankers, Treasury, and financial ‘experts’ took an Olympic-sized bath by betting on a catastrophic crash, wrongly as usual. You’d need a heart of stone not to laugh.

Then we had the people asking for a 2nd, 3rd, 87th referendum- in fact, a Neverendum:

“What do we want? ”

“A referendum! ”

“When do we want it? ”

“Until we get a result we like! ”

Beyond hilarious. Democracy is like the army; you shouldn’t have joined  if you can’t take a joke. Even better was the spectacle of MPs who were elected with fewer votes on a lower electorate turnout having the cheek to threaten to overturn the vote. On what mandate, S’il vous plaît? On your lower turnout? Clowns.

Then we come to the BoJo & Gove show. It gladdens my heart to witness such stunning political léger de main. Boris hangs tight for a week, not declaring his candidacy and drawing all the fire of the ABB (anyone but Boris) crowd. Sarah Vine ‘accidentally’ sends a damning email to a member of the public. Just before the nominations close, Michael throws his hat into the ring, denouncing Boris in extremely vague terms which would not preclude adding Boris to a future cabinet. End result- ‘ruthless’ Michael becomes  capo di tutti capi in the Tory party, a cheerful Boris declines to run for PM although no one seems to wonder why he doesn’t stay to fight his corner,  and Theresa May is left spitting feathers having concentrated her fire on the wrong person for a full week. Beautifully done. Such a change from the usual ineptitude of political manouevering; it’s good to see some brains at work.

The Labour MPs are hellbent on getting rid of the only leader their core voters would vote for. He’ll go and the voters will all vote UKIP, and what a pretty kettle of fish that will be. I’m sure they’ll all find new jobs they’re eminently qualified for in 2020 such as …. erm…. Meanwhile in the real world, life goes on. There are no marauding gangs bearing pitchforks on the streets. Mind you, I was in Hertfordshire yesterday and methinks I saw a pitchfork or two. Here be dragons, as most Londoners would believe. I’m just joking. And so the ship of fools that is the House of Commons sails on, over the edge of the world.

In the real world, roads are still being swept, hair cut, pupils taught, the sick nursed. You know, the labour that actually creates the wealth of the country and keeps it functioning. I bring you two more images today- the Smeg fridges made in collaboration with Dolce & Gabbana. My big fat Gypsy fridge – words fail me. Children, avert your eyes.

My personal fave? The pimped Roller covered in purple velvet. It’s so impractical and utterly without any redeeming feature that I immediately fell in love. It’s akin to a pair of galoshes made from rose petals. I hope the owner employs someone whose dedicated task it is to brush it with a clothes brush every day – for 40K a year. And no, this guy (it’s a guy, for sure!) is not what’s wrong with the world (well, not entirely 🙂 ) It’s the £50 billion (more like £80 billion by the end) that the idiot government is planning to spend on HS2 to shave half-an-hour off the journey to the North while devastating huge swathes of the countryside that will mean that when you need a triple by-pass or a cataract operation, there’ll be no money for it.

And so the world turns. Don’t be surprised if you find I’m running for leadership of both parties. AlaraApothecary for Empress of the World ! You know it makes sense.  Have a terrific weekend.

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