NYx2

I just returned from my adopted home from home New York, which I haven’t visited for FOUR years! Yes, I know, first world problems, but still…. After Lagos and London, NY is my favourite place in the world. I even love it more than I love Florence. Mamma mia! NY, I love you like a fat kid loves kale…..just kidding, I meant cake 🙂 And please don’t bother to write in about fat-shaming, I’m no size zero myself.

Anyway, there I was at JFK. As soon as I encountered the unsmiling immigration guy who resolutely refused to laugh at any of my jokes, (and I can be really charming when I put some effort into it 🙂 ), I thought, ‘I’m home!’. I realised how much I’d missed it – the tedious traffic jam from Queens to Manhattan, that series of clapboard-clad houses you always see before the skyscrapers start, and what I’ve now finally identified as the absolute typical smell of Manhattan in the summer: a strong smell of food with a tinge of sewers. Ahhh, Bisto! The Trump hate-fest was in full swing which entertained me endlessly. It was hilarious watching the totally baffled liberals scratching their heads and trying to figure out how the Commander-in-Chief of the Deplorables managed to get North and South Korea talking. Cheer up, it may still end with Armageddon and you can all say ‘I told you so’ as the Earth is reduced to a pile of rubble. I had the best time even though I was only there for 5 days and 3 out of the 5 were spent running around on business.

What did I love this time? The usual first: that feeling that absolutely anything can happen. I was walking towards St.Patrick’s and suddenly came upon hundreds of young people clad in white graduation robes and mortar boards, looking for all the world like a massive flock of seagulls. I filmed the video in this post as I was innocently ambling down W. 43rd St. Suddenly one of the two guys switched on a portable speaker and they started to rap along to the instrumental music. I of course immediately started to follow them in the opposite direction of my actual destination. It took a while for me to realise they were paying absolutely no attention to anyone else and I started filming. The best part? Everyone coming towards us kept a totally straight face and completely ignored them, and as soon as they passed them, their heads swivelled and jaws dropped. It was exactly like what happens on the Tube in London when some nutter tries to start a conversation. It’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. I don’t know the song but if it’s their own composition, I would totally buy it.

I’ve missed the amazing sunsets blazing in the sky between the skyscrapers, the way the Empire State building turns to gold in the evening, the dodgy hot dogs and ridiculously salty pretzels; I shudder to think what my cholesterol level and blood pressure are post-NYC. The pal I travelled with resolutely refused to touch anything from the food stands but then she ate Popeyes chicken twice so people in glass houses…. I walked a gazillion miles and found that by day 2, other tourists were asking for directions so obvs, I looked totally at home. It was amusing to see their reaction when I gave directions in a British accent. I had the best time even though the trip was ruinously expensive because it was confirmed at the last minute. If you haven’t booked your holiday yet, forget the beaches and adventure holidays. Go to New York and play botulism roulette with the food carts. I’ve never been ill from one of those concoctions and I’ve eaten hot dogs, tacos, and oh my, the most amazing Philly Cheesesteaks but then I was brought up in hardcore Lagos, eating from food stalls that would make Bear Grylls blanch, the wuss ….. I miss it already. Oh, and the Trump Tower photo? That’s a special for Sarah; I know how much she loathes The Donald, I just couldn’t resist. Have a glorious week.