Salone Baloney

I was going to write about the highlights of the premier interior design show, Salone del Mobile, in this post. Turns out there were no highlights. Dull,dull,dull——the lack of inspirattion and paucity of ideas makes me want to smack my head against the nearest wall. If I never see another blasted chair inspired by mid-century furniture presented as thnough it were the acme of artistic endeavour again, it won’t be a day too soon. And please, no more blasted grey. We live in northern climes; there’s enough grey overhead to be going on with. Ye gods and little fishes, it fair makes me want to weep. Over-react? Moi? But seriously, what is all this rubbish? And to add insult to injury, they present this stuff as if they are showing Michelangelo’s latest sculpture. It is entirely sick-making. The few standouts that I’ve seen so far are: the ever-reliable Jaime Hayon’s new rugs for Ninamarquina, the Polifemo cabinet by Elena Salmistraro, Coral Bed by Andreas Varotsos, Painting (screen) by Alessandra Baldereschi, and Long Cabinet by Nika Zupanc. Everything else is either old news or should be used as firewood. Where is Girolamo Savonarola when you need him? It’s just really disheartening to see the big companies giving the resources to the same old, tired gang of idea-free designers when there are a gazillion unrecognised young artisans turning out really good work that is generally ignored.

Rant over. Instead, I’m going to tell some tasteless jokes. AlaraApothecary: reducing the world’s IQ one person at a time. Here goes:

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, “What is this Father?” The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don”t know what it is.” While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son… “Go get your Mother.”

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says,“I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.” ‘Dad, what are you talking about?’ the son screams. “We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.” Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they’re getting divorced!” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this!” She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow.Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. ‘Sorted! They’re coming for Christmas – and they’re paying their own way.’

Have a wonderful week. Toodle pip.