Saving Grace

What a perfectly ghastly day. From the minute I woke up, I knew that the day was going to be a humdinger. By 9am, the only thing that was stopping me from crouching in a corner and rocking slowly back and forth was talking to my lovely customers. And then it went downhill……. 🙂 Not really, I’m just being a drama queen but today was exhausting. I’m glad my customers are so forgiving because I really was not at my shiny best. They did still keep asking about my holiday and that in turn reminded me that I had been on holiday. I enjoyed telling them my second favourite holiday story (the fave is the airport nazi story). Having survived the second circle of hell that is a budget airline flight, I got to the hotel, checked in, and noticed that there was no iron in the room. Back to reception, for a truly surreal conversation:

Me: Hi, there’s no iron in my room. Is there one I could borrow?

Receptionist: Sorry, we don’t have irons in the room because of the fire risk.

Me (thinking, ‘Well, the entire Hilton, IHG, Sheraton etc groups seem to have managed to prevent their hotels from burning down whilst providing irons…) : I really need to iron my stuff. It’s all badly creased from the flight. Do you have a housekeeping room where I can use the iron?

Receptionist: No, sorry we don’t. (Has bright thought) We usually tell people they can go to iron at the launderette near the station.

Me (incredulous tone): You think I should take my clothes to a launderette to iron them while I’m on holiday?

Receptionist: Yes, madam. But you can’t today. It’s a public holiday, everything is shut.

Viva Italia. I mean, it wasn’t ‘The Four Seasons’ but, come on! When Expedia sent me an invitation to review the hotel, I wrote such a blistering review in my head! If it had been put down on paper, the paper would have combusted spontaneously. Then I did what I do when I’ve calmed down, and I didn’t send it. I factored in the fact that it was 98Fahrenheit in the shade and I’d just been on a journey from hell so my temper was perhaps not as even as it might have been. By the time I left, I was firm friends with the receptionists so I didn’t have the heart to give the hotel management the kicking they deserve. By the way, if you go to Florence, give the Basilica Santa Maria Novella a miss. My fave church but  they’re doing some building work. Instead of having the decency to close it, they’ve pretty much emptied it out and you get to see the frescoes and some dodgy relics for your trouble. They removed my favourite painting! £7.50 entrance fee!! What a rip-off. My thoughts were decidedly unchristian. Mea maxima culpa 🙂

So, what’s new in Florence? They now have a Hard Rock Cafe. Mamma mia. That is sacrilege. Don’t get me wrong; most of my youth was misspent at the Hard Rock Cafe in London. Till today, I have never found a better Banana Split. But in lovely Firenze! I was appalled. This is the beginning of the end for Western Civilization. If they let them open a Starbucks, I’ll know that Armageddon is just round the corner. You think I’m over-reacting? You couldn’t be more wrong. My favourite meal? Believe it or not, it was an amazing Bresaola with Arugula and Parmigiano Reggiano starter. I’ve decided that I really like simple food. I remember the first time I went to Paris. My most memorable meal? A Roast Chicken sandwich with Aioli at Angelina on the Rue de Rivoli. It was epic. If I tell you that I went to both Le Jules Verne and Le Relais du Parc (we stayed at Le Parc Trocadero Hotel. That was an excellent hotel) on that same trip and can hardly recall what I ate, you’ll know how epic that sandwich was. Better than poisson pané et pomme frites or des flageolets en sauce sur une tranche de pain grillé. That’s fish and chips or baked beans on toast to you. AlaraApothecary: we posh up your culinary life.

Favourite shop? Furla’s amazing bags as per the photo. Gucci A/W ’17 was a hot mess. If I say Smeg fridge by Dolce & Gabbana, you’ll know how lurid it all is. My big fat gypsy designer bags. Eek. Favourite gelato combo? Actually, it was a sorbet from Cortona: one scoop melon, one scoop pineapple. Incredible. The flowers? An unexpected gift from lovely Jasmine to cheer me up. Thanks Jaswinder.

I leave you with a cheesy joke for the scientists among you. What is a tuesday without a cheesy science joke? Exactly. Have a wonderful week.

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