The Loo Roll Incident

Sometimes I feel as though I am in one of those bubbles, swimming in shark-infested waters. I was in a supermarket yesterday, one of the big four. In front of me  was a middle-aged woman complaining in stentorian tones about the fact that the last lot of loo rolls she had purchased ‘was packed too tightly in the package. And I’m not the only one, many people feel the same, so you need to sort it’. My questions are: what did the she think that this poor woman who spends 8 hours on her feet everyday, selling newspapers and cigarettes for the minimum wage, could do to alter the packaging protocols of Unilever, Procter & Gamble, or whomever? And who are these morons with strong feelings about the tight packaging of loo rolls, and do they have a support group? Is this not a prime example of First World problems, where the biggest issue you have is how to remove your loo roll from its packaging? I restricted myself to giving her what I like to refer to as ‘an eloquent look’. And yes, she did flinch, which was extremely gratifying. I did not launch into my usual ‘Don’t talk to her like that!’, as it contravenes my ongoing resolution to never get into an argument with a crazy or stupid person – they just bring you down to their level, and leave you incoherent with rage.

Of course she did not believe that the girl could solve her issue. She just wanted an easy target to berate, and who better than the poor employee who cannot answer back where ‘the customer is always right’. I thought the assistant was very restrained in not fetching a haddock from the temptingly handy fish counter, and slapping her around the head a few times. Yes, you’ll lose your job, but what a way to go 🙂 The assault charges would of course be something else………Commiserating with the assistant who reacted to my sympathy in a guarded manner, obviously suspecting that I might be the dreaded mystery shopper, she just shrugged and said ‘You just let it was over you’. And I thought, ‘Does it really, though? 20 years of letting it ‘wash over you’, and who do you become?’ To quote David Gray, ‘It takes a lot of love my friend, to keep your heart from freezing, to push until the end’. The world seems to be full of angry, unhappy people whose sole raison d’être is  to make other people as angry and as unhappy as they are. Seeing a smiling face is like waving the metaphorical red rag in front of a bull as far as they are concerned. This week brought to mind a quote from The Social Contract, “Man is born free; and everywhere he is in chains. One thinks himself the master of others, and still remains a greater slave than they.” Unless of course, the Son sets you free; then you are free indeed.

And yet, and yet. This week alone, a favourite customer came to me, told me to close my eyes and hold out my hand. After issuing many threats, I complied, and she put a box of handmade fudge into my hands. I saw a rainbow set against thunderclouds, the colours shading and fusing into one another.  A little pal came in to show me her missing teeth. One had fallen out naturally, and she ‘encouraged’ the second one by pulling it out, thereby scoring £3 from the tooth fairy. First of all, £3!!!! Talk about inflation. Plus, what a budding entrepeneur, I’m so proud of her 🙂 I did not tell her where her kidneys are, in case she gets any bright ideas…..She displayed these gaps, and just like that, I was six years old again, and probing a wobbling tooth with my tongue until it eventually gave up. Magic.

I leave you with this set of images from South Africa, showing a lioness who had lost her own cubs, and who rescued and protected a newly-born springbok that had been rejected by its mother. Have a wonderful week.